


Two Sides of the same Coin

by ravenshirin



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-02-07 18:37:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 41,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12847116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravenshirin/pseuds/ravenshirin
Summary: Leia saw something that she never expected and went to someone she should never trust for help. Alvin never expected to see a crying girl standing in his doorway at such a late hour. Both are confused and upset, but neither fully understand what they're getting themselves into. **Set during Tales of Xillia 2**





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Tales of Xillia or its characters.

Chapter 1

Sure, Leia's heart was torn apart and she was distraught, but that was no excuse to be outside this man's door. She didn't know who else to turn to, though, and she was afraid that she might explode if she didn't find a way to work through this. Her cheeks were wet with her tears, and she knew that she must look awful with how violently she had reacted to… that.

Leia had known for a long time that Jude had fallen for Milla, but she had thought, since Milla had no physical form anymore, that she had a chance. When all the fractured dimension stuff started, she should have realized that Milla would show back up, but… She still never expected to walk in on such a scene… And the worst part was they were so entranced with each other and their physical position that they hadn't even noticed her.

As Leia choked down another sob, she knocked on the door—HIS door, the one that she had a million and one reasons not to trust—and waited.

Alvin had been fast asleep when he heard the knock and dragged himself out of bed. He didn't even think to put a shirt on when he opened the door. Neither one expected to see the other in the state they were in. Leia's hair was falling out of her ponytail and her face was red from wiping away tears. Her eyes were still bright with them and her lips were swollen and chapped.

Alvin was in no better condition. He had gone to bed immediately after washing, so his hair was sticking up odd directions. He was in his pajamas, a pair of brown sweatpants… And no shirt. He had dark circles under his eyes from the lack of sleep and his face was pale from low blood pressure that he always struggled with when he woke up.

"Really? Is that how you open the door?" Leia was the first to recover. "What if it had been Elize or something?" She snapped, wiping her face.

Alvin felt his temper flare—who did this girl think she was?—but it didn't last for more than a second. "What the hell would bring Elize to my door at 2 'o clock in the morning?" He retorted, but it held no edge. "Jude's room is that way." He pointed down the hall before shutting the door in her face.

She knocked again in frustration. Did he always have to be such a dick?

He opened the door again after only a few seconds. This time he was pulling a t-shirt over his head. "How can I help you, little lady?" He asked courteously, stifling a yawn. "You look all dewy-eyed. I thought you were looking for someone else."

"I… I saw…" Leia started to tell him what had happened, but she felt her throat close and another tear fell. The waterworks were about to really start… Looking alarmed, Alvin reached for her arm but stopped himself before he did something stupid.

"Hey, kid… Are you okay? I didn't know you were…" He paused for a moment, trying to unscramble his thoughts. He felt like he was playing with fire, but he couldn't let her stand outside. With a soft sigh, he moved aside, allowing her access to his room. "Come in." He turned and walked in, kicking aside a few empty liquor bottles to clear a path for her. A bit surprised, she followed him inside.

Except for the trash, it was a very plain room, identical to hers, with a small bed on the very left side and a bathroom all the way to the right. Nothing fancy, just a small and cheap place to stay. Something about it seemed sad to Leia, though, and it wasn't only the mess (HOW do you trash a room in less than four hours?). All of Alvin's things were packed in a little brown bag next to his bed and his weapons were leaned against the wall. The gun was pointing towards the bed—she wasn't sure why she noticed that, but it felt important.

Alvin turned to face Leia with a guarded expression on his face. She wondered for a brief moment if she'd made a mistake by going to him. What if he just thought she was a nuisance? Or worse, what if he thought her problem was stupid? She had almost made up her mind to leave when Alvin finally spoke.

"I really don't know how much help I'll be… But you can tell me anything." His voice was uncharacteristically kind. "…If you want." He added, the volume in his voice dropping lower.

"I… I saw..." Leia wondered one last time whether she should leave before she gathered her nerve and resolved to tell him everything. "Oh, Alvin, I'm so STUPID!"

"Whoa! Th-That's not… what I was expecting." He laughed nervously. "Where's your spunk? The Leia I know would never admit to stupidity. She would try to convince me why the ones that she's angry with are stupid." He sat down on his bed. "And if someone made you cry, Leia, then they ARE stupid…" He sighed, realizing that he'd cut her off. "Sorry. You can continue."

"…I saw Jude and Milla… I thought that I forgot my favorite hat in Jude's room, so I went back to get it…"

"Wait, when were you in Jude's room?" Alvin cut her off a second time before he could stop himself. "That's a bit bold for you."

"Because Rowen and I were talking to him about what's been going on recently." She answered defensively.

"Aw, and I wasn't invited?" He started to tease her but was quickly silenced when another traitorous tear rolled down her cheek. "…You saw Jude and Milla…?" He asked apologetically. He had a sinking feeling that he didn't want to know this…

"They were sleeping together!" She finally blurted, her face turning a darker shade of red. When Alvin didn't respond, she continued. "O-only they weren't SLEEPING."

"O-oh." Alvin stammered, more than a little shocked that the do-gooder had that much nerve. Even though it was a serious matter for Leia, Alvin found himself holding back a grin. She picked up on it, though.

"This is stupid! I'M stupid!" She looked at the door. "I knew—of COURSE I knew—but… I still thought I had a chance… And now! Now I'm doing the DUMBEST thing by bothering you in the middle of the night!" Turning, she strode back to the door. In a flash, Alvin had thrown himself off the bed and grabbed her hand.

"Hey! Hey, hey… I didn't mean to…" He quickly let her go when she looked back at him. "Look, I get that you don't trust me much because of…"

"That's not true." Leia didn't even allow him to finish the sentence. "You know that I trust you. Why ELSE would I be here?"

"…Then why is it so stupid to tell me what's bothering you?" He looked at the floor in an attempt to hide both his embarrassment and guilt. He wasn't sure why he felt these feelings, but he was having trouble fighting them… "Don't get me wrong," He started again. "Jude is an adult. Good for him to have… learned something new." He chuckled softly but quickly continued when Leia's eyes flashed angrily. "But I know how you feel about him…"

"FELT. From now on, it's how I FELT about him!" She sniffled, choking on a hiccough, and walked past him to plop on the bed. "And I might just burn that damn hat!"

"Ooh! Someone's getting feistier by the second." Alvin smiled at her for a moment before sitting back on the bed next to her. "But both of us know it isn't that easy…" There was silence between them as the full weight of what he said and what he meant sunk in before he added in a lighter tone, "After all, that's a nice hat."

Leia snorted and shook her head. She knew that his jokes were an attempt to lighten the mood, but she wasn't ready to be consoled yet, so she forced herself to frown. She was angry and hurt and frustrated… She wasn't ready to let Alvin's lame jokes wash away her pain.

"The hat is the least of my problems." She muttered stubbornly, sniffing and wiping at her eyes.

Alvin leaned backwards and grabbed a handkerchief from the other side of his bed. "Here." He said softly, handing it to her. "Stop wiping your nose on your jacket." She hadn't realized that she had been doing such a thing until he mentioned it.

"…Thanks." She whispered, taking the cloth from him. As the minutes ticked by, she was becoming more and more embarrassed. Not only was she crying in front of Alvin, she was using his handkerchief… and he wasn't even making fun of her for it! She didn't know what to think…

"You got really quiet…" After a few minutes had passed, Alvin spoke up again. "If you're feeling better then you should go to bed, kiddo. Good children should be asleep this late."

"Stop that!" She snapped, slamming her fist on the bed. "I'm not a little kid! So stop calling me that!"

"Of course you're a kid." Alvin's voice lost its humor. "Only a kid would come to a grown man's room in the middle of the night like this. I'd say you threw caution to the wind, but that isn't even the case. You didn't even THINK that I could do something, did you?" He paused, noting the fear showing on her face. His expression softened and he patted her on the head. "See? You're still a kid… But there's nothing wrong with that. Enjoy it while you can."

"I'm not a kid…" She grumbled, but all anger was gone when she realized something… She'd stopped crying. Just like that. "Here." She held the handkerchief out to him.

"Um… You go ahead and keep that." He eyed it with disgust. "Or give it back when you wash it…" The last part was said under his breath, but Leia caught it anyway.

"Ugh! Why are you such a jerk?" She put the cloth in her pocket. "…I'll return it next time."

"Next time?" He asked incredulously. "Do you plan on another late night visit? I think I'll pass."

"…Am I bothering you, then?" She asked quietly. "Tell me honestly, Alvin."

He took a deep breath before answering. "That's not what I meant. I'd rather you came here than cry on your own… But maybe you should talk to Elize… Or Muzet. You know, a girl…"

"Elize is too young to talk about his, and Muzet—REALLY? You can IMAGINE all the things wrong with that scenario…"

Alvin winced. As funny as that would be to watch, he knew that Leia had a point. That wouldn't end well for anyone.

"And Rowan and Gaius AND Ludger are all men too." She continued. "So, according to you, I couldn't talk to anyone at all!" She crossed her arms. "Besides, I don't want everyone to see me cry."

Alvin almost asked why she would let HIM see her cry, but he thought better of it. He wasn't sure he could handle the answer… Instead, he sighed and lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. She didn't seem to understand what a precarious position that she was putting him in. He shuddered to think what would happen if anyone knew she was in his room—ON HIS BED—this late at night. Was she trying to get him killed?

"…Alvin? Are you even listening to me?" Leia's annoyed voice cut into his thoughts.

"Geez, girl. I'm thinking!" He snapped, putting his hands over his face. She had a very good point, but it didn't make things any easier for Alvin. He knew that she needed him, but… As much as he insisted that she was just a child… There were times that he found it very hard to see her as one… No, he couldn't let himself think about that.

She's sixteen. She's eleven years younger than me. She's a KID. He told himself firmly. But she needs someone to turn to when things get rough…

"Well?" Leia had been watching him very carefully as he tried to deal with his internal dilemma.

"I think it might be best to talk to Rowen." Alvin finally spoke, sitting up.

"But you said—"I know what I said." He cut her off impatiently. "But he's more like a… fatherly figure, right?" Grandfatherly, more like… But he kept that thought to himself. "So it's not the same. You'll be safe talking to him."

"Safe? Why wouldn't I be safe talking to you?" She obviously didn't understand the problem, so Alvin pondered over how much he should tell her.

I'm occasionally attracted to you. He smiled bitterly as the thought entered his mind. Nope. Definitely can't say that. It's not true—it CAN'T be true. She's just a kid.

"…People will kill me if they find out that you were here so late." He said slowly. "They'll THINK that something is going on even if it isn't." He watched as understanding and embarrassment took over her face. "They wouldn't think that if you talked to Rowen."

"But why? Why is Rowen so different?" Leia demanded, crossing her arms and frowning. Alvin almost couldn't take it—to see her trying to take up for him like that. He felt like a part of his heart was breaking…

"Because I'm a shady guy." He forced a grin on his face, hating how true the statement was but keeping it to himself. Leia, in response, punched him in the arm. "Ow!" He cried. "What was that for?!"

"You act like you're the devil or something. You've messed up, sure, but you're not so bad." She stood up and sighed, luckily missing the yearning expression on Alvin's face. "So you don't want to talk to me about this, huh?"

"That's not what I'm saying." He replied honestly. "Just… when it's late at night, go to Rowen I'm here for you whenever you need me DURING THE DAY." He tried to stress the importance of the last part as much as he could.

"Oh." She smiled, seeming relieved. "Well, thank you… For everything. I… I thought I'd lose my mind if I didn't have anyone to turn to… You really helped me tonight." She slowly walked to the door.

"Hey!" Alvin jumped up and rushed over to her. "I'm sorry if I… I mean, I'm just trying to save my own bacon here, and… I don't want people to think that…" He stumbled over his words, trying to explain.

"I know." This time her smile was radiant, and Alvin thought again that it was very dangerous for her to be here so late. "I'll be more careful next time, okay? And… I can still talk to you during the day, right?"

"Of course." He pinched her cheek playfully. "Don't think you can get rid of me so easily, brat! And you'll owe me after this—just so you know."

"Shut up, jerk-face! You already owed me! Now we're even." She slapped his hand away and laughed, unknowingly forcing him to laugh as well. He really couldn't resist her…

"All right, all right. Now get to bed." He opened the door and gently pushed her out, surprising himself with his own reluctance. "And no more crying! You'll get wrinkles!"

"Nuh-uh!" She cried indignantly, punching his arm again. "You're such a jerk…" But she was smiling as she went back to her room.

Alvin shut the door and leaned against it, the smile dropping from his face. "Now we're even, huh?" He whispered to himself. "If only…" Grabbing his last bottle of bourbon, he made his way back to his bed.

He was confused—really confused. He had cheered her up, so he should feel good about it… But all he felt was an all-too-familiar desire. At least he'd fought it off and kept her safe… from his own damn self.

"She's a KID." He told himself for the millionth time before taking a huge gulp. "Shit… She's a KID! Get a grip…"

Alvin wondered briefly if it was because Leia had woke him up from a dream about HER—Presa. He had never thought that he loved her before, but now that she was dead… He couldn't save her… But he couldn't tell if he felt love or guilt. He didn't really understand what love WAS.

"It must be because of Presa—not Leia… I'm not in my right mind—I wouldn't feel anything for a child." He tried desperately to sort though the jumbled mess that was his feelings. "Shit…" He said again, laying down and staring at the ceiling.

Even as he tried to convince himself of this, he pictured Leia. The tears had made her eyes bright and pleading… Her lips were chapped and swollen, but that just drew his eyes to them. He liked seeing her hair, however messy it was… She should get rid of that hat… Her cheeks were rosy, and she looked so… so…

Alive.

"There will be a special place in hell for people like me… And I get the feeling that she'll be the death of me…" Feeling defeated and utterly exhausted, Alvin closed his eyes and forced himself to go back to sleep.

Chapter 1 ~ END


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Alvin was tired. Not only had Leia woke him up late, he found that he couldn't sleep well after everything that had transpired. The little amount of sleep that he had been able to capture had been plagued with nightmares. It wasn't even light yet when he pulled himself out of bed and got dressed.

It was colder outside than he remembered from the night before; although, the snow never left Kanbalar. Alvin had pulled out his favorite brown coat, but the wind seemed to cut through it like it was nothing but a jacket. He pulled gloves over his hands and put his scarf over the bottom half of his face, hoping to keep warm. It didn't help.

Taking his sword and gun with him, he decided to walk to the temple near town. He didn't expect to run into any monsters, but he could never be too careful. When he'd traveled alone, he had learned an important lesson: there was nothing more humiliating than having to run away, or worse, be saved.

Alvin walked quietly, watching the stream from his breath drift away into the dark. He made a conscious effort not to think of the two people that tormented his thoughts the night before—the two women that he couldn't bear to hurt, and the two women whom he'd hurt more than anyone. He watched the snow and the trees and the people, but was determined not to let his mind approach that taboo topic.

Naturally, he failed.

Presa had been the closest thing that he'd ever had to a real relationship. She was the only woman that he'd ever stayed with after the time of flirting was over. Sure, he'd slept with many women, but he'd never even bothered to remember their names… And he certainly never spoke to them again.

And Leia… was his friend; she was a person in whom he could confide—whom he TRUSTED. He didn't have any other friends like her. She would text him and call him and visit him… She always seemed to find the times when he was feeling at his lowest—alone and guilty—to do something unexpected. Her texts made him smile (even when he didn't understand them); her calls made him laugh; and her visits… Her visits made him feel ALIVE. She had so much energy, so much SPUNK… He couldn't get enough.

They were so different. Presa was sly and cunning but often subtle; she never came out and said what she truly felt. She was difficult to read yet very bold when things became more physical.

Leia was more open and forth-coming when it came to her thoughts and feelings. She failed at all forms of subtlety, but she was always brimming with energy, bright, and often-times temperamental—especially when things didn't go the way she planned. She was like the sun, so warm and wonderful, shining so brilliantly, but Alvin felt like he would burn up if he let himself become too close. She thawed his heart but burned his skin.

WHY would Leia come up to him for help like that? Didn't she know the danger she was putting herself in? Couldn't she see his reaction to her warmth? Couldn't she see that he craved more than she could ever give?

'Because she's a stupid kid who never stops and thinks of the consequences. She probably doesn't even realize how I feel…' He silently answered his own questions. 'She doesn't notice how addictive she is to me… She doesn't know how desperately I have to hold back…'

Feeling bitter and hopeless, Alvin reached the temple and pulled open the door. It was a solitary place since the two caretakers had left the year before, but Alvin always stopped by when he was in town He liked how quiet it was; after all, silence was something that he was used to—not that he was always quiet when he snuck there. He went there to think, and sometimes, to vent. No one else ever went there, so it was a safe haven for him and his deepest, most secret thoughts and feelings.

That particular morning, Alvin was too exhausted to do much of anything. He took a seat in a pew near the back of the temple and stared at the wall before him. Too drained to form a coherent thought, he mostly saw images in his mind's eye. Presa's face—her hand while he clung to her and tried to pull her up from the cliff side… Leia's body, lying broken and bloody from the gunshot wound in her back… Jude's rage as he punched him over and over… He didn't deserve to be near Leia after what he'd done… And he'd never have the opportunity to see Presa again…

These weren't happy thoughts, to be sure, but they were the ones that continually ate away at his mind and conscious. He was too tired to battle with them anymore—it was so much easier just to give in to them…

He was only roused from his stupor when the door opened behind him nearly three hours later. He hadn't noticed the sunlight coming in the windows until then, so he was surprised when it flooded the room.

King Gaius was just as startled to see Alvin as he was to see Gaius. With only a moment's hesitation, the older man walked into the room and let the door shut behind him, a freezing gust of wind nearly slamming it shut.

"What are you doing here?" Gaius asked, sitting down next to Alvin. "Everyone is looking for you."

"They are?" He whispered guiltily. "Are we ready to leave?"

"They're going to eat first." Gaius explained patiently. "Then we will depart."

"I see…"

They both sat in awkward silence for a couple of minutes, neither knowing what to say.

"…Leia has been particularly worried about you." Gaius said cautiously. "Did you two fight?"

"No, we didn't fight." Alvin was surprised, but after a moment, he chuckled softly; it held no humor. "If she was worried, she could have just texted me."

"She's been fidgeting since she got out of bed." The raven-haired kind sighed and crossed his arms. "And you seem sad yourself. If you didn't fight, then what happened?"

"It's a long story…" Alvin looked away to hide his pained expression. He didn't want anyone to know what was going on. Besides, it wasn't his secret to tell. Luckily for him, Gaius was thoughtful enough to drop the subject. After another minute or two of silence, he rose.

"Let's go back. We'll eat breakfast before we set off." The older man said with an air of authority.

With one last sigh, Alvin heaved himself to his feet and followed Gaius out the door, mentally steeling himself for what was to come. He knew that it wouldn't be pleasant.

Leia was having an awful day, and it was only about 7 o' clock in the morning. First, she had a hard time sleeping, so she was tired and grumpy. Then, she was awakened by the one person that she wanted the LEAST to see—Milla. When she decided to ignore her and eat breakfast with the only person who knew what was going on, she found out that he had left early in the morning and had yet to return.

Pacing back and forth in the room next to where the others were dining, Leia sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time. She refused to eat with those two by herself, and, even though everyone but Alvin and Gaius were there, she was still alone in her new-found knowledge.

The last thing Leia wanted to do was to let everyone know what she'd seen. Not only could it tarnish Jude's reputation, it would prove to everyone that she'd been a fool for believing that she had a chance with him to begin with. She honestly didn't think she could sit with the two of them and NOT give anything away.

So Leia waited, like she always had; only this time she waited for Alvin instead of Jude.

After what seemed like ages, the front door opened, and Alvin and Gaius walked in. Leia resisted the temptation to yell at her best friend, but it was a hard-fought victory. She felt frazzled and bewildered at how anxious she had been without him there, even though it had only been about an hour since she'd realized that he was missing. It was a new feeling—she'd never been so lost without a person before, not even with Jude. Of course, she'd never had to keep a secret from all of her friends before either. Alvin had become her confidante, and she needed him there or… Or she'd go crazy.

"Alvin!" She cried softly, taking a step towards him. She had to bite back the demands that were on the tip of her tongue. "Everyone already started eating." Her laugh was painfully fake, but it was better than showing him how desperate she had actually been.

"Well, that wasn't very nice!" Alvin's grin came more naturally as he teased the others. As inconspicuously as he could, he brushed his fingers over her hand in support, meeting her eyes for a split second, before he joined the rest of them at the table.

As careful as he had been, the little movement had been noticed by two members of their entourage. Gaius and Rowen shared a curious glance—and Rowen stifled a laugh—but neither said anything. Instead, Gaius walked to the table and joined the group, as quiet and menacing as he always seemed to be.

"Where have you been, Alvin?" Jude asked as he put a bite into his mouth. "You've been gone for a while."

"There was a little lady that I decided to meet up with—do you want to hear the juicy details?" He replied, the lie rolling off of his tongue more naturally than any form of truth would have.

"Is that so…?" Gaius spoke up, crossing his arms. "I didn't see anyone."

"Y-you just missed her." Alvin assured him, trying to act nonchalantly but finding it hard. He was mentally kicking himself for forgetting that Gaius was there. "Woulda' been real awkward if you'd showed up a few minutes earlier, so that's for the best." He kept his eyes glued on Jude's face, watching as it turned a nice shade of red. He couldn't believe the kid bought that…

"W-we don't need to know the details." The younger boy said hastily. "We were just wondering where you'd been."

"How long have you known me? You shoulda' known that it was something like that." He sat down next to Jude, saving Leia from having to sit there. He grinned and put a large forkful of eggs in his mouth. "Hey, this is good!" He was surprised at just how hungry he was.

Leia sat down next to him, trying to hide her smile. He was so full of it. She happened to know when he was bluffing, and the way he touched her hand to reassure her… He certainly hadn't been with a woman; he had probably been sulking over something…

"You're such a kid." She muttered, grinning when he glared at her.

"You're one to talk, Miss Flat-chest." He retorted, laughing when she crossed her arms over her chest and cried out.

"T-they're growing! Leave me alone!" She shouted at him, her face growing redder with each word. "And even if I'm on the… small side… A true gentleman would never say such a thing! You're nothing but a fake! A liar! A no-good pervert!"

"Hey, hey! You're the one who started the name-calling! I was just telling the TRUTH! YOU'RE the one who lied! In what way am I a kid?!" He shot back.

Neither of them noticed the interested looks that were being shared around the table. Rowen was covering his mouth to hide his grin, and Elize wore an expression of amazement and horror. Only Jude seemed to be truly bothered by it, though, and even he didn't know why.

For some reason, Jude's stomach was tying in knots as he watched the two of them. He was furious. What right did Alvin have to act so close to Leia? That thought was all he could hear.

"Is this the human flirting system?" Milla spoke up in interest. "I know a little more about it now, but this method seems different than I am used to... DO you two plan to cultivate affection through play fighting?"

"A-affection?!" Both Alvin and Leia slid their chairs away from each other.

"M-me and this jerk?!"

"She's just a kid!" Alvin found himself not only blushing but sweating bullets. If everyone figured out that she had been in his room the night before… No one would bother listening to the truth.

They would string me up by my intestines… Or worse. He thought drily, trying to hide his discomfort.

"Hm… Really?" Milla looked disappointed. "It seemed there was enough sexual tension to conclude…" But neither of them heard the rest of the sentence. Alvin had been trying to take a drink of water, which he choked on, and Leia slammed her head down on the table in humiliation.

"There's nothing like that between us!" Leia let out a strangled cry.

Alvin couldn't even protest what had been said because he was still choking, coughing, and sputtering. As embarrassed as she was, Leia still patted his back, trying to help. Jude looked at the two of them for a moment before pushing his plate away from him.

"I'm going for a walk." He stated, rising from the table. Not even bothering to address the confused looks, he left.

After a few more minutes of shocked, rude, and/or teasing comments, Rowen explained to Milla that she couldn't say such things. She seemed bewildered but agreed (albeit reluctantly) not to speak of sexual tension again in Elize's presence.

For a few minutes, Leia worried that Milla might say something about what had happened the night before. She obviously didn't shy away from such topics, but luckily, the Lord of Spirits didn't. Leia wasn't sure why she didn't want anyone else to know, but she didn't.

It felt like a lifetime, but finally everyone but Alvin, Leia, and Gaius left the room. With so much excitement, two of the three hadn't eaten yet.

"Wow… Gaius, you eat A LOT, don't you?" Leia spoke up after watching him wolf down two plates of eggs, six pieces of bacon, and a bowl full of rice. "Where do you put it all?"

Gaius paused for a moment to glare at her. "I'm HUNGRY." He said simply before grabbing another bowl of rice.

"I can see that." She laughed incredulously. "You're starting to regain your appetite too, huh, jerk-face?" She turned to Alvin.

"Hey, hey. No need for name-calling." He chuckled, having finally recovered from his choking fit. "And what do you expect? I have to keep my energy up." He gave her a meaningful look. "You… don't seem to be eating much. Aren't you hungry?"

"I was, but… Now I don't know." She murmured, looking down at her plate. "I must be getting sick or something… But I'll be okay."

Suddenly Gaius pushed his plate away from him and leaned forward. "I don't think that you're getting sick." He said slowly. "I think you're not good with secrets—neither of you are. So why don't you tell me what's going on?"

"Nothing!" Both of them said in unison.

Gaius narrowed his eyes and stared at the two of them for minute or two before sighing. "Fine, don't tell me. But know that if it's something serious, I WILL find out."

"It's not-"Alvin started automatically but stopped when Leia kicked him under the table.

"…All right then." The older man got up and walked out of the door without another word.

After a few moments, Leia rounded on Alvin and snapped, "Don't give hints!"

"Yeah… I'm sorry…" He grumbled, rubbing his newly hurt leg. "It's not my secret to tell…"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Is everyone ready?" Milla called out, looking around to make sure the whole group was there. The plan was to split into two groups and travel to Marksburg. They would meet up there before continuing their journey via boat to Elympios. Unfortunately for some of them, Ludger was the one who decided the teams, and he chose Gaius, Muzet, and Elize to go with him. That meant Alvin and Leia would be traveling with Jude, Milla, and Rowen.

"Yes, Lady Milla, we are prepared." Rowen smiled at her. The old man turned to Elize for a moment, leaning in to adjust her backpack.

"Elize isn't a KID anymore, Rowen!" Teepo, her stuffed flying doll whined. "We can take care of ourselves!"

"You can't blame this old man for worrying." Rowen chuckled good-naturedly. "I just want to make sure you'll be all right."

"You look like a doting grandpa." Alvin grinned, walking up to them. "But maybe he has a point, Elize. No talking to strangers, now, and be sure to watch your step—it'd be awfully embarrassing to fall in that." He gestured to her skirt.

"Shut up, you jerk!" Elize cried, her face coloring slightly. "I certainly don't need YOUR help, and I WON'T fall!"

"Now, now, Alvin." Rowen chastised. "You shouldn't tease Elize so much." He turned back to the young girl and his worried expression returned for just a moment. "Do promise you'll be careful, though, young miss. I don't think this old heart could take it if something were to happen."

"We'll be fine." Teepo assured him, seeming to bounce in mid air.

"I'll be careful, Rowen." She smiled before running to catch up with Ludger and the rest of her party.

Alvin was sad to see them go, but it was nothing compared to Rowen's forlorn expression. As if feeling his gaze, Rowen faced him.

"Sometimes it's hard to believe she's growing up so quickly…" He sighed dramatically, putting his arms behind his back. When he didn't say anything else, Alvin began to fidget. He'd long forgotten what it was like to have a real family. He almost felt envious of the teenager for the worry that she was being shown. Rowen really HAD become like a grandfather to her in the last year.

When the man spoke again, it was to issue a challenge. "So, do you wish to tell me what is going on with you and Leia, or should I just figure it out myself?" The silence after this sentence was no longer filled with envy—Elize could keep the nosy old fart for herself!

"There's nothing going on." Alvin snapped, annoyed with people asking about it as if there was a deeper meaning… Well, there WAS a deeper meaning, but he hadn't done anything wrong. He refused to let himself be ashamed for helping his friend.

"Find out for myself it is." Rowen seemed much too cheerful at the prospect of learning a secret. Alvin's confidence faded as quickly as it had appeared.

"There's really nothing! Why do people keep insisting that something happened?" He demanded, trying not to let his nerves show and failing. "What exactly do you THINK happened?"

"I'm not sure yet…" Rowen answered honestly, frowning. "My guess is that something upset Leia, and you offered her support. This is merely conjecture, of course, but the way you've both been acting suggests something of that nature. The only question is: why would that need to be kept a secret?"

"I grow tired of this, old man." Rowen's observation had been too close to the truth, and Alvin finally lost his temper. "I've done nothing wrong." His voice held no sign of its usual humor.

"I never suggested that you'd done anything wrong." Rowen seemed truly startled, making Alvin feel guilty for his outburst. "I only wondered what happened to leave you both so shaken… And what I can do to help."

"There's nothing you can do to help." Alvin sighed, exhausted from trying to cover things up. "Besides, it isn't actually my secret…"

"Is that so…?" Rowen's brow furrowed as he attempted to figure out whose secret it could be and why it would affect Alvin and Leia in such a way. He couldn't quiet put the pieces together, though—he was still missing too much information. Instead of prying further, he just fixed another amused smile on his face. "Well, as long as nothing inappropriate happened, it'll be fine."

This time, Alvin walked away, secretly rolling his eyes. He refused to take any more bait that the old man dangled in front of his face. He was done dropping hints to ease his conscience. He had already said too much… Besides, if he said anything else, there could only be two outcomes: Rowen would figure out that Jude and Milla had spent a night together (and Leia would exact revenge on Alvin for telling), or he would think that the secret had a whole lot more to do with Alvin and Leia than it really did. If the second option were to be assumed, Alvin wouldn't survive the day. The entire secret business was getting way out of hand, and the only person in danger was Alvin—and he hadn't DONE anything. Hell, he hadn't been laid in—

Aaaaaand that's where I end THAT train of thought…

Leia was being very careful with everyone. Alvin had almost spilled the beans earlier that morning, but she'd stopped him in time. After a little chat with him about ripping his testicles off and force feeding them to him, she was fairly certain that he wouldn't tell. She still had to worry about herself, though. What if SHE were to slip up? Secretly weren't exactly her cup of tea, after all…

"I don't understand, Jude. Why does it even matter to you?" Leia's thoughts were interrupted when she heard Milla's voice. Panicking, she froze in place, hoping the new couple wouldn't notice her. Quickly, she slipped out of the city gate and waited for the two to pass her by. She had no such luck.

"Because she's my friend—I have to look out for her!" Jude sounded frustrated. "She doesn't know anything about men. She probably believes that he honestly likes her. She's too naïve to know the truth!"

"What if he really does like her?" Milla countered. Leia briefly wondered who they were talking about.

"He has no right!" Jude practically shouted.

"Well, why do you assume that she likes HIM? Alvin and Leia have been friends for a while now. Why should it suddenly change?"

Leia snapped to attention when she heard her name. Were they arguing about her? Wait… Jude thought that she liked Alvin? Anger coiled in her stomach, and she paid more attention to the conversation.

"This is different. They never excluded us before. I'm worried that things will get away from her—that she'll give him too much…" He sighed. "Alvin is NOT the kind of guy she should fall for. He'll use her and then leave her hanging out to dry."

It took everything Leia had not to jump out fro her hiding place and beat Jude until he stopped moving. How DARE he try to protect her when HE had caused the predicament that she was in! How DARE he assume that she couldn't take care of herself! And how DARE he talk about Alvin that way! She tried to take a deep breath and count to five, but she barely made it to three when she heard a new noise—a moan.

"M-Milla, we're in public! You can't do that!" Jude hissed, suddenly breathless.

"I'm tired of worrying about Leia. Let's talk about us for a little while…"

That was IT! Leia couldn't take it anymore. As quietly and as quickly as she could, she crawled away from the scene, fighting new tears. What an ASS! He condemned Alvin and, in the same breath, shoved another dagger through her heart.

You shouldn't have listened in… Her mind screamed at her, but she didn't regret it. The more she heard from Jude, the less she wanted anything to do with him. If she hadn't listened, she would have never known.

She crawled in the snow until she could no longer feel her arms and legs. It was a bad idea to wander this far outside the city without anyone else, but she wasn't thinking clearly. She was exhausted, emotionally and physically. The pain was so fresh… Determination and will power just weren't enough to drown it.

Why would Jude think he had the right to control who she liked when he'd already chosen another? Even if she hadn't known the truth about him and Milla, he STILL couldn't do such a thing. And to make matters worse, he had jumped to conclusions about her and Alvin…

Alvin…

Alvin had messed up on more than one occasion, but he was trying. He hadn't done anything but help in so long… He was doing everything he could—not only to help but to start new and do the right thing. Did he have to die to please them?

Jude wasn't always so perfect either… Leia thought, stopping her retreat and pulling her knees up to her chin. She spared a quick glance to her surroundings. No one but monsters was around, and as long as she stayed still, they didn't seem to notice her. She knew that it was only a matter of time, though. She needed to meet up with the others soon or she'd freeze before the monsters ever posed a threat.

Alvin's face popped into her and she went still. She remembered the look of guilt and sorrow and horror at what he'd done. He immediately said that he hadn't meant to do it, hadn't meant to shoot her. He looked so scared…

How could Jude not understand how hard Alvin was trying to make it up to them? Besides, if she, the victim, could forgive him, then why couldn't Jude?

And why did he assume that Leia had feelings for Alvin? What proof did he have? Alvin and Jude were both her best friends. She'd drifted away from Jude since he'd fallen for Milla, and she'd gotten closer to Alvin. There had never been anything to suggest more than friendship, though, had there? True, she worried about him and wanted him happy. And sure, she felt sad and lonely when he wasn't there… And every now and then she felt a strange warmth in her chest when she thought of him…

Hm… I wonder what that warmth… means… Her mind was becoming sluggish, so she leaned back against a tree for support. But it's not the same… I love Jude. If I liked Alvin, wouldn't it feel the same…?

Everyone was getting worried. Leia was supposed to meet with them about an hour ago, but she never showed up. The group had eventually split up to look for her, agreeing to text each other if they had any information.

Alvin had found Leia's phone right outside of town—that was when it really hit him that she may be in danger. He decided to leave town and search. He knew the others would argue, but they didn't know Leia like he did. He couldn't shake the feeling of urgency that pushed him forward—something was definitely wrong. What had Jude done this time…?

He walked for nearly ten minutes in the bitter cold, mentally cursing the girl and praying that he was mistaken, before he saw her. She was sitting against a tree and hugging her knees, wearing only her shorts and button-up shirt.

"Leia!" He cried out, running to her. Pushing his panic and fear aside, he immediately took off his coat and threw it over her shoulders. She felt so cold…

"Leia, if you freeze to death, I'll KILL you!" He growled, picking her up and running full speed back to town.

Leia was suddenly very uncomfortable. She had been so cozy before someone picked her up and started to run. Her chin kept hitting a buckle of some sort and her cheek was smashing against a shirt button. She tried to push away from whoever it was carrying her, but it only made the person strengthen their hold.

"We need medical attention!" A breathless voice shouted in her ear. She winced at how loud it was and tried to figure out why the voice sounded so familiar.

Once again, she was being moved. A door creaked and she was put down on something soft and covered with mounds of itchy cloth. As the minutes ticked by, she began to realize that she was very, very cold… She couldn't remember ever being so cold…

"Leia, it'll be okay…" Alvin's voice made her eyes blink—it was surprisingly hard to do with the ice and snow she was finding in her eyelashes. She tried to ask him what happened, but as soon as she opened her mouth, she bit her tongue—she was shivering.

Other voices started to say things to Leia but she didn't even glance at the new people. Her hands and feet were beginning to burn, which made her start to realize how long it had been since she could feel them. Blood from her bitten tongue trickled down her chin, and she watched Alvin scramble to clean it up with a handkerchief.

"A-A-Alv-vin…" She stammered, shivers wracking her entire body.

"Sshh… Leia… You're okay." Alvin's voice was so soft, so worried… He brought his face close to hers and placed his hands on her cheeks. She closed her eyes and sighed softly, enjoying how warm his hands felt on her frigid skin.

"D-don't l-listen…" She began, remembering what she wanted to say. "T-they… j-jerks!" She had to really focus on the few words that she could say. She grabbed one of his hands and looked him in the eye. "Don't l-l-listen!"

"Leia…" He whispered her name and stared at where her hands met his. His heart was pounding in his ears and his emotions were swirling. "Kid, what are you talking about?" His voice never rose, but he held her hand tighter. "Don't worry about me right now. Worry about you… You almost froze to death out there." He focused on softening his expression and actually managed a smile.

Leia shook her head and tried again—he wasn't getting it. "D-Don't…" She felt tears of anger and frustration and guilt fall down her cheeks. She knew how he would respond to their cruel words, but they were wrong. He needed to know.

"Please tell me that you didn't run off into the tundra because you were upset about an insult made to me…" She could barely hear his voice with how low he spoke the words. His gaze seemed to almost caress her, and when he wiped a tear from her cheek, it burned where he had touched. She was too startled to speak—that was new.

The door opened and a very unwelcome couple entered the room. "Is she okay?!" Jude ran over and pushed Alvin out of the way, a little too roughly, reaching towards Leia. She immediately slapped his hand away and scooted back. His face showed hurt, but he ignored it and reached out again.

"Why are you crying?" He shot Alvin a glare that could curdle blood. "I can take it from here." He stated, clearly dismissing the older man.

"I'm sure you could." Alvin replied coolly, but he didn't move. Instead, he looked back to Leia with a guarded expression.

"Rowen, could you escort Alvin out? I can handle this. Leia needs to rest." Jude refused to look at any of them but Leia, who appeared both hurt and furious.

"Alvin…?" Rowen's voice held a very important question, but he didn't vocalize it.

"Leia, just rest, okay?" Alvin said quietly. "We'll talk more later. I know you don't like this kind of attention, but just relax and don't lose your temper." He pushed past Jude and gave her a one-armed hug. "If you fight, they'll ask questions." He whispered the last part in her ear. With that, he got up and left the room with Rowan.

Leia realized what his words meant. By slapping Jude's hand and acting so distant, he may figure out that she knew. She wasn't sure she could handle that yet. So she turned her eyes to Jude and focused on keeping her tone light.

"I-I think I WILL rest." She plastered a smile on her face. "M-m-maybe we can talk later."

"What did he say to you? What did he do? You can tell me." Jude wasn't letting her go so easily.

"What did he… do?" Leia looked at him with true confusion. What exactly did he think happened? "He found me. He gave me his coat and he carried me here. He saved me. What do you mean?"

"Is he why you ran off? You don't have to lie to me." Jude said gently, and realization hit Leia.

"He didn't do anything!" She snapped, her hands clenching into fists. "I'm not angry with him at all. I think you misunderstood." She took a deep breath and tried to calm her anger.

"Then why were you crying?" He challenged, standing up. He obviously didn't believe her.

"I was scared." She said simply, surprising herself with how easily she twisted a partial truth. Maybe Alvin was influencing her more than she thought… "I almost died today."

"And why did you go outside the gates? Don't tell me you were just going for a stroll." He raised his eyebrow and crossed his arms.

"I… don't like being left alone…" She said carefully. It wasn't a lie either, but she knew he would think she was referring to Ludger, which was fine—anything was better than admitting the truth. She couldn't very well tell him, I know you had sex with Milla and I'm mad, could she?

"Leia… It's not like it's personal or anything. I'm sure Ludger didn't mean anything by it." Jude's tone softened and Leia let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. He believed her—thank the stars.

"I know, but I'm never a part of the action anymore…" She continued, keeping an eye on him to gauge his reaction. She would lay it on thick if she needed to; even try to cry, as long as he let the topic of Alvin drop. Still, Jude must have thought she was really childish to believe such a ridiculous lie.

It wasn't long until Jude left, and Leia was alone. Her shivering had stopped, and she felt almost normal again. She was glad to be alive—she hadn't meant to endanger herself; she had just been so upset… She had to remember not to let her emotions control her like that again…


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Alvin was livid as he stood outside of Leia's door. He had rushed her inside the inn, not knowing where else to go. Rowen had been inside asking about the sixteen-year-old when the two of them bust through the door, so he immediately had backup as he scrambled for blankets. The innkeeper gave them all of the unused wool covers and offered to let her use a spare room. A doctor would have been more useful, but none were in town and, naturally, Jude was nowhere to be found.

Alvin knew it wasn't fair to be angry with Jude for being gone—he had been looking for Leia too, after all—but he wasn't in the mood to be fair. Besides, Leia had definitely heard Jude say something, so it was his fault anyway. His help was too little and too late for Alvin to forgive him.

He was angrier with Leia than he was with Jude. Regardless of how upset she was, it didn't take a rocket scientist to know that it was cold in Kanbalar. She NEVER should have went out of town alone with no support and no warm clothing. Forget the monsters, the cold would have killed her before they even noticed she was there. She was always like that—passionate but reckless. No, less recklessness and more lethal stupidity.

More than anyone else, he was pissed at himself. Leia had been upset for HIM. She ran off thinking about HIM and HIS feelings. In what way did he deserve that? Couldn't she understand that he wasn't worth protecting?

"…She didn't even text me…" He mumbled, staring off into space. "She could have come to me—I would've sorted all this out." He continued to the air, his hands shaking with rage and something else… Something that felt an awful lot like fear. He started to pace back and forth in agitation. "She came to me before… Why didn't she do the same this time? She's such an idiot!" He sighed and put his face in his hands.

She could have DIED… She would have died if he hadn't found her. The thought made Alvin's knees buckle, and he quickly sat down on the floor.

He would have been all alone again. He couldn't fathom what life would be like without her—he'd grown too used to having her around… Too attached… And she would have died because of him—because of her childish desire to protect him—someone who didn't deserve it. That desire, coupled with her unstable emotions and her stubborn refusal to ask for help could have been her final mistake.

A shuffle of feet came from behind him and Rowen cleared his throat. Alvin had forgotten he was there. How much had he said aloud…?

"There are times," The old man began slowly, calculating his words, "that a person withholds information in order to protect another. It seems as though she felt the need to protect you from something, Alvin…"

"I didn't ask for protection!" He snapped his head up and glared at Rowen.

"It appears that you didn't have to." Rowen smiled in response, but the smile quickly dropped when he thought about how close they had been to losing Leia. "Also… About Jude's reaction… I hope you'll forgive him. He was merely worried, I'm sure."

"Yeah, he's scared I'll betray her… Again." Alvin whispered, letting the familiar feeling of guilt wrap itself around his heart. He felt a sharp pain inside him when he remembered how close he'd come to killing her the year before. "I don't blame him… I've really screwed up—and I've hurt her once before… I didn't mean to—I never meant to, but… Intention doesn't matter. What's done is done and I can never make it up to her—I can never make amends."

"That is in the past, Alvin." Rowen said soothingly. "You have more than proven yourself as an ally."

"It doesn't erase the past."

"It doesn't need to erase anything. You are our ally, Alvin. You may have fallen at one point, but you have risen since then. How long will you continue to suffer over a mistake for which you have been forgiven? SHE forgave you, Alvin." Rowen squeezed his shoulder. "Now, enough of this. You are too quick to condemn yourself, my young friend."

"Rowen… She could have died today…" Alvin's eyes were haunted as he stared into Rowen's calm ones.

"But she didn't, and that's thanks to you." Rowen said simply.

"Rowen… I wish I could just tell you everything and let you sort it out. I'm not properly equipped for all of this—I don't have the mind for the complicated shit…" Alvin blurted out.

"Are you referring to the secret which is not yours?" Rowen asked slowly, his interest piqued. "If you wish to tell me, then I shall listen diligently. I'll not tell another soul."

"No…" Alvin sighed, crossing his arms. "Leia made it painfully clear what would happen to me if I told. That girl can be really scary, you know." He laughed as he leaned against the wall next to Leia's door.

"Alvin, should we go somewhere else to talk? Leia will be alright—we don't have to wait here. The young miss is quite resilient."

"No." He answered stubbornly, taking a seat on the floor. "I'm not leaving… But you don't have to stay here, old man. I'm better now." He pulled out a handkerchief and started to clean his pistol absent-mindedly. He didn't even notice when Rowen took a seat next to him.

The two of them stayed that way in silence for at least five minutes before the door to Leia's room opened and a very disgruntled Jude stepped out. Alvin tried not to be angry, but just seeing the young boy made his blood boil.

"Why are you still here?" Jude grumbled, scowling. "She's fine—just tired. You don't need to stay here."

"I'm not going anywhere." Alvin said quietly, not even looking up from his weapon.

"Alvin, she doesn't want you here." Jude lied, not realizing that both Alvin and Rowen knew better.

"Kid, I'm not doing this right now." He spoke up before Rowen had a chance to, knowing that the old man had seen through the lie as well.

"You need to leave." The sixteen-year-old was nothing if not persistent. "I don't know what happened, but I know it has something to do with you."

"Check again, you little asshole." Alvin could feel his control slipping as his anger rose to the surface. "I know exactly why she's like this, and it has nothing to do with me. I'm her SUPPORT."

"…Then why don't you tell me what's going on?" Jude looked properly guilty, but Alvin knew it wasn't over.

"Because she asked me not to—commanded, really—told me that she'd feed me parts of my body that I'd like to keep." He answered, his voice thick with sarcasm, fueled by both anger and humor. "Somehow, I believe her threat." Jude winced before walking up to the two.

"…Is it really that big of a secret?" He sat down next to Rowen.

"You have no idea…" Alvin chuckled at the irony of it all. If Jude realized that the secret was actually HIS, what would he do? Would he be angry that Alvin knew—that Leia had told him? Would he try to patch things up with Leia?

Would he allow her to move on?

Alvin couldn't understand why it was so imperative, but the thought of Jude making Leia fall for him again made him itch to shoot the boy in the head and be done with it. For years, he'd been stringing Leia along—before Alvin had even met her. For a girl with such spunk, such spirit, such LIFE to be crushed underfoot by one whom she loved so dearly… His gun hand twitched, and he had to fight for control. If he took Jude out of the equation, Leia would never forgive him. That life and energy that he craved so much would be gone forever. He took a deep breath and set the gun on the ground next to him. He must be going insane to have ever even considered such a thing. After all, Jude was his friend too—regardless of how much of a dick he could be.

"Alvin? Are you quite all right? You've stopped listening to us…" Rowen's voice broke into his thoughts.

"I'm peachy." Alvin replied curtly. He gave the old man a small smile, though, trying to lessen the impact of his tone. "I'm exhausted and I'm worried. That brat is such a hothead… She never thinks things through. When she's happy, she's dancing and cheering; when she's sad, she burst into tears; when she angry, she'll destroy everything; and when she's hurt… I can't tell what she'll do… I can't read her."

"She isn't a book, Alvin." Jude said softly, pulling his knees to his chest.

"Thank the spirits for small miracles." Alvin grinned, picturing a thousand-page book. "I was never much for reading." All of them laughed at that.

"Alvin… I lied… She didn't say that she didn't want you here…" Jude whispered meekly, his face turning a brilliant crimson. "I'm sorry."

"No shit." Alvin laughed again, reaching over and slapping Jude on the arm. "I forgive you, kid. Just… give her a little space, okay? She's dealing with a lot of stuff right now."

"…Does it involve me somehow? Is that why she's acting like this?" Alvin could see the puzzle pieces in Jude's head coming together as he asked this—damn kid was too smart for his own good.

"No comment on that." Alvin turned away. "I'm just telling you not to suffocate her."

"I'll… try not to." Jude didn't seem pleased with Alvin's reply, but he knew better than to press further. He wasn't getting any more information out of Alvin, so he'd have to figure it out himself. "…So how does any of this involve you? Why should you care?"

"Because!" Alvin started defensively before catching himself and taking a deep breath, thinking better of the words ready to fly from his mouth. "Leia is my friend. If she needs help, I want to be there for her." He said carefully.

"Yeah, but why would you take her side if it involves me too? Aren't we friends?"

Dammit! This kid is too damn smart…

"It's the damsel in distress thing." Alvin didn't miss a beat. "Jude, you may be a little on the girly side, but she'll still take precedence every time." He grinned and shrugged his shoulder as Jude scowled.

"I guess I should have known that… You always said you couldn't leave a girl in trouble…" Jude conceded. "But, for some reason, this feels… different. You aren't normally so… I don't know… Protective?"

"You aren't normally so emotionally involved." Rowen offered, smiling when Jude slammed one fist into his other hand and nodded emphatically.

"Exactly! You normally just help and then walk away."

"I told you, she's my friend. I never really had that before—not before last year. So it IS different." He glared at the two of them.

"No, Rowen's right. You're really emotional—mostly angry, but still…" Jude murmured thoughtfully. "…You don't… LIKE her, do you?" He looked both surprised and furious as the thought occurred to him.

"W-what? Dude, she's a child." Alvin said quickly, holding his breath and hoping that Jude didn't notice that his voice sounded a little higher than usual. To his relief, Jude's expression cleared and he laughed.

"Well, yeah. Compared to you, she is. Sorry about that. I guess I'm overthinking things again. I must be tired." He stood up and stretched. "Well, sorry about what I said earlier. I don't even know why I said it… But I'm gonna hit the sack. Night, Alvin. Night, Rowen." With that, he walked away.

"…If you want to lie to the others, you might wish to do so more convincingly." Rowen said quietly after Jude was gone.

"Lie about what?"

"I may be old, but I'm still as observant as I've ever been." Rowen chuckled before turning serious. "I've seen how you look at her, Alvin. I see the change happening in both of you. I don't think she's noticed yet, but you've begun to… haven't you?"

"The way I look at her? Rowen, she's just a…" But his voice trailed off at the intense stare Rowen was directing at him.

"Do you really think I'd believe that? I've been where you are, Alvin—have told myself the same things. My dear Carrie was twenty years my junior. I fought and fought against my feelings until I could bear it no longer… Love knows no age."

"…Love?" Alvin scoffed. "'That word has nothing to do with me." Even as he said it, a part of him knew Rowen might be on to something. Still, he pushed the idea out of his head. "I've never loved anyone, and I never will. The whole 'others first' thing isn't for me—I couldn't care about someone that much."

"You're running from the truth, Alvin. I thought you were done running away?"

The implication of that question was enough to send Alvin into a rage. He leapt to his feet and grabbed Rowen's shirt, ready to punch him in his knowledgeable nose, but he stopped himself just in time.

"I'm not running away from anything! Don't accuse me of having feelings for a child and then call me a coward for denying it! That has nothing to do with me!" He was so mad he was shaking. Rowen, on the other hand, was infuriatingly calm.

"When you're ready to see reason," he said, pushing Alvin's hands away, "I'm here to talk." He dusted off his shoulders and chest. "I won't judge as I have been in a very similar situation myself."

"I said I'm not—"

"And I never called you a coward." Rowen cut him off. "Running from this is perfectly natural. You'll accept it in your own time… As will she."

"She—SHE! SHE'S in love with Jude!" His voice cracked as he said this. "She has been this whole time…"

"She certainly thinks so." Rowen replied.

It took a moment for Alvin to recover and speak. "She is. Why else would she be affected by all of this?"

"And why did she run to you in her time of need? Why did she feel the need to protect you today?" Alvin couldn't answer these questions. "Don't rush yourself." After a moment, Rowen smiled. "You have plenty of time to uncover the truth for yourself." With that, Rowen bowed low and then walked away.

Thoughts and heart racing, Alvin tried to sort through what had just happened. How did Rowen know so much? And how was he so sure that he was right? Leia was just a child—there was no way Alvin cold like her, much less be in love with her. And Leia had always loved Jude.

She certainly thinks so.

Rowen's words echoed in his head. What if she didn't love Jude as much as she thought she did? Would it make a difference?

Suddenly, Alvin knew the answer—yes, it would make all the difference in the world. He wasn't ready to know in what way, but he knew that, in one conversation, his universe had changed—not crumbled, just shifted. He should have felt more upset, but he just felt calm—calm and tired.

Setting his things aside, Alvin curled up on the floor and thought of Leia… And continued to think of her well into sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Leia woke up feeling miserable. It was embarrassing that the day before she had needed saving and she knew that she put the entire group behind in their journey to Marksburg. She felt like everyone should be angry with her, which actually made their understanding attitudes even harder to bear. No one yelled at her, no one asked what happened, and no one bothered to hide their concerned stares. Although they were worried, they were giving her space, and they weren't at all upset with her. It made her even more self-conscious about the whole thing.

Alvin acted even stranger than the rest. She found him outside her door when she walked out that morning, but he didn't say anything to her. He just stood up and walked her to the kitchen where everyone was getting ready to eat. He waited until she chose a seat before sitting next to her and grabbing a plate. Leia wondered if she'd made him really mad, but she wasn't sure.

No one else spoke either, all through breakfast. By the time the group was ready to depart, Leia seriously thought she'd lose her mind. What in the world was wrong with everyone this morning? Sure, she screwed up—she knew it without anyone saying anything—but was that really why all of them were ignoring her? After a while of walking quietly, Leia could stand it no longer. She pulled Alvin aside to see what was going on.

"Hey, what's up with you today?" Leia hissed quietly, pulling his arm to make him fall into step with her. "I know I did something stupid yesterday, but… Are you mad at me…?"

"What?" Alvin asked grumpily, turning to her. "Why would I be mad at you? I mean, you're right, what you did was idiotic, but I'm not exactly mad. You're okay—we're all okay, so it'll be fine." He shrugged and attempted to speed up to catch up with the others.

"Wait!" Leia grabbed his arm again, pulling him back, but this time she didn't let go. "Then why are you acting so weird? I mean, you haven't talked or joked or laughed or even grouched this morning!" She squeezed his arm and looked into his eyes, fully expecting the truth.

Alvin had to spend a moment collecting his thoughts—Leia was being even more clueless than normal, hugging his arm like that. Not only was it going to draw the attention of the group soon, he felt like he wouldn't be able to take a breath if she continued. Selfish girl.

"I'm tired, Leia." He murmured, pushing her hands off of him. "A lot happened yesterday and I didn't sleep very much." He caught the hurt look that spread across her face before he quickly explained himself. "They'll see. Remember what I told you about what people think as opposed to what is actually happening?"

"Why should it matter? I do that with everyone else—why should they think bad things only about you? I think you're just paranoid."

"Yeah, well, we can never be too careful, can we?" Alvin sighed, wiping his face with both hands in exhaustion.

"You act like you're guilty of something." Leia huffed, putting her hands on her hips. "You didn't do anything wrong, but you act as if you have. If they think that something is going on, they'll think that way because you're acting so odd." She grabbed his arm again and grinned at him. "As far as anyone else is concerned, we're sharing nothing but a joke."

"You know that isn't actually true. You and I… We've had our problems. You have all the reason in the world not to like me, and although you didn't avoid me before, you didn't exactly act like this either… Did you?" Alvin pointed out.

"Sure I did!" Leia replied easily. "I texted you all the time and visited you and everything—just like I did everyone else. If I acted like I didn't like you, they really would think something was going on."

Alvin started to argue more, but he realized halfway through his thought that she had a valid point. Leia was way too trusting of anyone and everyone. If she acted like she didn't like him, it would seem really strange. At the same time, he didn't feel comfortable with leaning against him like she was. Wasn't it wrong for him to stop her? Wouldn't people suspect something if he didn't try? He honestly didn't know how to act anymore—too many things had changed.

"All right, you brat." He finally said, looping his arm through hers instead of allowing her to hold onto him.

"Anyways, you made me lose my train of thought… Oh yeah! What's up with everybody today—you included? You're so quiet. I've barely heard a peep from anyone all morning!"

"I'm not entirely sure what's wrong with everyone. I know that Jude, Rowan, and I are probably all just tired. We were up talking until pretty late last night, after all." Alvin started to explain, but he had been wondering about the lack of conversation himself.

"You were talking to Jude? Why?" Leia snapped before she could stop herself. She knew that she wasn't being fair, but she didn't like the thought that Jude could still talk to Alvin when she couldn't talk to anyone else. He had an entire group of people willing to talk to him, so why did he feel the need to go to Alvin?

"I was speaking to Jude cause the kid is still my friend." Alvin narrowed his eyes at her. "Just because you and Jude have issues with each other doesn't mean that I can't talk to him… Besides…" He paused to scratch his goatee. "He actually pissed me off. We were arguing more than anything." He looked down at Leia's guarded expression and rolled his eyes. "I didn't tell him anything important, so stop looking at me like that. I just took up for myself, that's all."

"What did he say to you to make you so angry?" She asked, curiosity winning over tact. "You don't normally fight with people. You tend to cover anger with some stupid act—you'll joke about it to make it seem less serious than it is."

"I take offense to that—my act isn't stupid." Alvin tried to frown, but a stubborn grin found its way to his lips. "All right, you're right—fighting people isn't my forte." His smile dropped after a moment, though, thoughts of the night before making bitter emotions show themselves. "Jude was asking for it, though. He seemed to think I had done something to you. When he came out of your room, he was immediately on the offensive, and it pissed me off." He took a deep breath and tried to let go of his anger. "We talked about it, though, and I think he'll back off now."

"I thought I convinced him that I was upset about something else—something that no one could be blamed for… I guess he didn't buy it." Leia murmured, scratching at her arm and staring off into space.

"What are you talking about?" Alvin asked, raising his eyebrows. "You suck at lying—no one with half a brain would believe you." He started laughing. "But I'd love to know what you tried to tell him.

"Not a chance, you dick!" Leia cried out, running into him without unlooping their arms.

"Seriously… How do you plan on keeping this a secret? Maybe it'd be better to just tell him…"

"Absolutely not!" Leia cried out, stopping and pulling Alvin's arm. She lowered her voice dangerously for her next sentence. "And I swear to you—I swear on the spirits—that if you tell him, I will disembowel you, Alvin!"

Alvin visibly gulped before answering, "Message received."

It would have been a very long and annoying day for Leia had she not had Alvin there with her. No one else even noticed that they were lagging a little bit behind. Leia found, surprisingly, that she didn't mind everyone else staying away; in fact, after her initial hurt, she found herself thankful for it. She enjoyed spending the time with Alvin, even when they lapsed into silence.

Alvin found himself comfortable around Leia too, surprising himself. He was sure that he should feel guilty about spending so much time with her, but he decided not to think about it. Besides, Leia had made a good point before—and he really wasn't doing anything wrong.

It didn't seem like it took very long at all until everyone was stopping to set up camp. After they stopped, everyone seemed to liven up, chatting away, but Alvin and Leia didn't join in. It wasn't until they started to put out their sleeping bags that they broke the silence.

"You know," Leia said suddenly, looking up at Alvin. "When I first started my adventures with you guys, this was one of the parts I hated. I was so used to sleeping in my comfy bed that sleeping on the ground was painful."

"I didn't think you minded at all." Alvin laughed, answering truthfully. "I mean, it didn't seem to faze you when you forced your way into our group the first time. You slept in a barrel then, for spirit's sake."

"I was desperate back then—I knew that Jude would try to send me home; or worse, he could have told my mother." Both of them winced at the thought. "So I snuck on the boat. It was the only logical choice, really."

"Running away from home and sneaking on a boat is your idea of logical?"

"I had no other options!" Leia protested. "Jude woulda sent my butt right home! Besides, do you KNOW what my mom would have done if he told on me?"

"Maybe your other option was staying home to begin with—it was a safer choice, for sure."

"Ugh! That doesn't even sound like you! Did Jude infect you with worrywart syndrome or something?" Although Leia's tone was harsh, she grinned as she smacked Alvin in the arm.

"Hey! Violence isn't necessary!" He laughed, grabbing her arms by the wrists so that she couldn't move them.

"W-whoa, Alvin! Let me go!" Suddenly, she felt very conscious of how close she was to him—their chests were only inches apart—and how her heart was beating erratically.

"You started it." Although she knew he was joking, there was something in his eyes that made her shiver.

"You guys are lively today." Another voice made the two of them jump apart, Alvin practically pushing Leia over. She regained her balance just in time

"Jude." Alvin said nervously. "We were just joking around."

"…Yeah." He stared at the two of them for a long moment before shrugging. "That's good, though, right? Leia must be feeling better." He turned to her, ignoring Alvin. "We were all pretty worried about you."

"Oh. Yeah. Thanks." Leia said shortly. She wasn't sure what to say or feel. She didn't want to talk to him, and her heart was still trying to recover from… Whatever that was with Alvin the moment before.

"I've been keeping a close eye on her." Alvin spoke up, taking a step forward. "So there's nothing to worry about."

"I'll see for myself." Jude replied. "Leia?" He was surprised to see her flinch when he said her name. "…You really ARE mad at me, aren't you?" He murmured sadly.

Leia stood frozen for a moment, feeling all the blood leave her face. What was she supposed to say to that? She prayed that Alvin would figure out a way to save her from this awkward situation.

Alvin, on the other hand, was fighting to keep his temper in check. He had warned the little idiot to give Leia some space. Was he incapable of understanding something so basic? Would his stubborn refusal to leave well-enough alone hurt her even more? And what could he do about any of it? Sighing in frustration, he tried to think rationally. The whole situation was getting really old. If he didn't say anything, Leia would be upset; if he did, Jude would get angry. He was in a lose-lose situation.

"I told you to drop it, Jude." He finally said.

"I can't do that, Alvin." The younger boy replied, his expression turning cold. "She's my oldest friend. I need to know what I did in order to make it better. I don't like fighting with her…" Jude shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "…Maybe you should let us talk alone."

"That's not going to happen." Alvin snapped, surprising even himself with his intensity. "I won't leave unless the little lady asks me to."

"We're trying to set up camp." Leia mumbled, refusing to look at either of them. "You should do the same."

"…What? But Leia, we need to talk about this. I want to fix things." He reached out to grab her arm and was shocked when Leia slid out of his reach and behind Alvin.

"I don't think she stuttered, kid. She doesn't want have this conversation right now." Alvin couldn't control the smug feeling that was spreading through his chest at her response. Maybe she really WOULD let Jude go after all of this was done.

"Alvin, this doesn't concern you." Jude growled, his hands clenching into fists.

"If you don't hurry, you'll miss the spot next to Milla." Leia said just loud enough for the boys to hear her. While both processed this thought, she grabbed Alvin's hand and walked away from Jude, too angry and hurt to say anything else.

"…You DO realize that was a huge hint." When Alvin finally got the courage to speak, they had just walked through the small thicket of trees that covered their camping site. His efforts were rewarded when she swirled around to glare at him.

What did you tell him?" She demanded, letting go of his hand. "What exactly did you talk about?"

"He accused me of upsetting you. When I told him I didn't do anything he started asking questions that I refused to answer." He stepped forward, closing the space between them. "He figured that I knew, and if I wouldn't tell him… Then it must be him. I told him to just leave it alone—he obviously refused."

"Why didn't you just make something up?" She asked in a high-pitched tone.

"I said I wouldn't tell, but I never said I'd lie for you." Alvin hissed, Leia's anger rubbing off on him. "You ask a lot from me, kid, and you refuse to give me credit for what I do."

"Yeah, well, you OWE me!"

As soon as the words left her mouth, she wanted to take them back. Instead, they echoed in the darkness. Alvin's expression dropped away—it wasn't cruel or hurt, but… It wasn't anything.

"You're right…" He backed away from her. "I do owe you. I'll do my best."

"Wait! Alvin, I didn't mean that!" Leia cried out, feeling panic and pain at her own stupidity.

"No, you're right." He didn't move as he spoke, seeming frozen in place. "I just thought we were…" He shook his head slowly. "It doesn't matter. You're right."

"No, no, no, wait!" Leia ran to him, looking into his eyes. "I really, really didn't mean that! I was scared and upset and I took it out on you, but I didn't mean to! Please, please look at me!" She was crying, pleading with him.

What did this girl want from him? He was trying really hard for her, but he was stumbling in the dark—he knew nothing about dealing with women. And yet… She was crying—how could he make her stop crying…?

But he was hurt by what she said—more than was probably logical. He didn't want to fight with her—he wanted to be normal, teasing and laughing, but he couldn't quite fake it. She had only said to him what he had been thinking himself for a long time, but he couldn't take it.

Finally, after 30 seconds of listening to her soft sobs, Alvin put his arms around her and leaned against her shoulder. Neither of them expected her reaction; she returned the hug, pulling him as close as their bodies would allow.

"I swear to you," Leia started, hiccoughing. "That I didn't mean that. I'm so sorry—please don't go…"

"I'm not going anywhere." Alvin could only manage a whisper over the lump that had formed in his throat. This silly little girl… had more power over him than he would ever admit. She wouldn't even allow him to be mad at her—she was so dangerous to him. How far would he go for her…? Had he lost his mind? If he wanted a woman, he could have one in no time at all, so why was he… doing this?

"Alvin…" Leia whimpered, hugging him harder. "Please forgive me."

I am so screwed… Alvin thought, fighting the surge of emotions shooting through him. No one else would do, would they? He only wanted her…

"Hey, kid…" Alvin pulled away enough to tilt her chin up to look at him. "I told you I was on your side, right? I'm not going anywhere… And I forgive you…" Although he said them to make her feel better, the words tasted sour in his mouth—what right did he have to say that? He was the one needing forgiving, not her…

Leia gasped in relief and, completely flooring herself and him, she grabbed his collar and pulled his face to hers, planting a not-so-gentle kiss on his lips.

Fire. Alvin was on fire—he had never felt such extreme, dizzying emotions before. He moved his hand from her chin to her cheek, fighting against every instinct he had… And pushed her away. When she opened her eyes, she looked as dazed as he felt.

"What… was that?" When he finally spoke, his voice didn't sound like his own—it was deeper and raspier. He needed to calm down before he did something he would regret.

"I-it was a kiss, you dolt." Leia stammered, her entire body looking slightly flushed. Alvin briefly wondered if all of her was… But he pushed the thought away.

"…Right. And… Why was it given?" Alvin continued, beginning to recover through sheer power of will.

"I… I don't know." She answered truthfully, rubbing the side of her neck and looking away. "I was mostly… relieved." Her voice was barely a squeak. "Besides, I… I always thought my first kiss would be… But I chose to give it instead—is that… wrong?" She waited a moment for Alvin to speak, but he didn't know what to say. "Dammit, will I always be 'the one that stalked Jude'?! How dare he be nice to me! How dare he act like that?!" She started to shake, too many different feelings for her to keep up.

"Calm down, kid…" Alvin couldn't help but pull her back into his arms. He had so much to say, so much to ask, but he wouldn't dare. The path he was on was a perilous one—he needed to stop, to come to his senses and realize that he couldn't feel this way for her… Not for her…

But he couldn't stop it. The small, fragile woman in his arms… He wanted her—all of her. He wanted her to burn for him like he did for her; he wanted her to rely on him; and he wanted her to forget all about Jude. She had kindled a fire within him, and he could feel it consuming him. What was he supposed to do…?

Little did he know, Leia was having issues of her own. She had never experienced anything like this before—she had kissed Alvin, her first kiss! She hadn't even thought about doing it, her body just moved on its own. And what's worse, she didn't regret it. She didn't even feel bad. Sure, she was incredibly embarrassed and tongue-tied, but… She wanted to kiss him again.

This was not a feeling like anything she'd ever known. Jude was always safe; those were the only feelings she'd ever known—safe and protected. Everyone else had always thought she'd be with him too. It almost felt like it was destined, and everyone was expecting it. What she felt for Alvin was nothing like that.

He was off limits—not only was he an adult; he had made a lot of mistakes. She had forgiven him, but not everyone had. Logically, she knew there were tons of reasons to stay away from him (at least emotionally), but…

It was exhilarating, this dangerous new feeling. She wanted nothing more than to see just how much she could get away with. There was always the risk that he felt nothing for her—would he be angry if she pushed her luck? Still, his reaction to her kiss was confusing. First, he kissed her back, and then he pushed her away. Surely, if he didn't want it, he wouldn't have participated at all, right?

Both of their brains were working in overdrive—they wanted the same thing on different levels. Too shy to do any more, Leia stood frozen in Alvin's arms while he, too reluctant to give up his chase, refused to let her go. Neither knew how to stop or control their feelings.

Until a soft cough caught their attention.

Pushing Alvin to the ground, Leia was almost too embarrassed to see who was there with them… Almost.

Rowan stood in their line of view, just in front of the trees. With a small smile, the old gentleman walked closer to them, stopping only a couple feet away and enjoying their horrified expressions.

"Young love." He said quietly, looking up at the stars. "Not that I mind, you two, but if you want to keep things secret, you might find that distance is a friend." He nodded towards the small patch of trees that separated them from the camp and chuckled. "At least far enough away where no one will hear you."

"N-no, it's not like that!" Leia started, trying to figure out what to tell the old man. "H-he was just helping me."

"Oh, of that I have no doubt." Rowan answered with equal parts sarcasm and mirth. "Would you mind telling me what he was helping you with? It was obvious that you needed his support or he wouldn't have held you so closely, right?"

"W-w-what? No, it was… Nothing. I just…" Leia fumbled around in her words, trying to figure out what to say.

"Does it pertain to your secret?" He asked before quickly amending, "Which he hasn't told me, mind you. I wonder if you'd enlighten me." Her murderous glare turned to shock.

"How did you figure out I had a secret then?"

"You two have been much closer lately—like you were sharing something that no one else knows." He explained, shrugging as if anyone could tell. "I also believe it involves Jude because you've barely talked to him for a few days, and you've been careful to avoid all eye contact."

"That's enough." Alvin spoke up, still sitting on the ground where Leia had pushed him. "He's baiting you for information, kid. Don't answer him unless you want him to know." His voice was stern but he didn't appear angry; he just looked very, very tired.

"Now, Alvin, I've only asked one question. I've been giving information."

"You've been trying to manipulate her into giving a yay or nay on your guesses." He replied, slowly rising to his feet. ""She said she doesn't want anyone to know—you should respect her wishes and leave her alone."

"Alvin… I didn't mean to offend…" Rowan murmured, taking a step back. "I'm terribly sorry if I asked too much, young miss. You don't have to tell me anything." He smiled and bowed before walking back towards camp.

"Alvin! You made him mad—what was that for?!" She asked, feeling guilty for Rowan—he hadn't meant any harm. Leia was surprised when she saw the intense look that Alvin was giving her.

"I need to get back to camp." He practically growled, refusing to answer her question. "See you in the morning." Before she could say anything else, he sped off, leaving her confused and frustrated.

What was his problem?


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

It was a relief to finally make it to Marksburg. The rest of the trip Leia and Alvin hadn't spoken, which was perfectly okay with Alvin. He had no idea what to do, and he didn't want to think about it. Plus, he was mad—he was angry with everyone.

Rowan didn't speak to Alvin again after that night, but he could feel his stare throughout the entire trip. There was something that he wanted to say, but Alvin didn't want to hear it. He was tired of the cryptic remarks and unwanted advice. The nosy old man should mind his own business.

Jude was annoying him even more than Rowan. Every time a monster appeared, he requested to link with Leia. She refused, of course, but Alvin was becoming angrier and angrier as the young man tried. Jude's refusal to listen was grating on Alvin's last nerve, but, on the other hand, he was digging a hole for himself because Leia was getting sick of it too.

He wasn't sure why he was so annoyed. He was stressed and so tired of all the drama, but there had been plenty of drama throughout most of his life. He should have been used to it by now, but there was something new wrong with him. After all, even when the problems were directly tied to him, they rarely involved his personal feelings. And there were so many feelings right now (a fair share of problems as well).

One, he was definitely falling for a girl much younger than him. There was no reason to deny it to himself any longer. He wanted to be around her and comfort her, but… he wanted to run the hell away too. The whole situation was bound to get him murdered—or, at the very least, maimed.

Two, she had kissed him—he hadn't made the advance! He figured it must be some sort of twisted revenge plot she had thought up to "get even" with Jude, but if it was, he didn't want anything to do with it. He had conflicting views of Leia in his mind, and he wasn't sure which to trust anymore. She loved Jude and he hurt her, but… Would she go so far as to use him to win him back? Was she above that? Normally, he never would have believed her capable of hurting another to get what she wanted, but his own brain was floundering in its attempt to explain what was happening. There was no way she liked him.

Alvin shook the thoughts out of his head and smiled at his teammates as they asked what took their small party so long to meet up and allowed Jude to tell the story. While he was glad to see the whole bunch of them again, he didn't want to talk to any of them. He fought to keep a cool head and demeanor, though. The only one who might know what he was truly feeling was Rowan, and he refused to say anything to him.

I'm going to have to apologize to him…

After everyone said hello, they went to the inn. The plan was to relax until after lunch before continuing their journey. That meant that Alvin had an hour to do as he pleased, and he was more than happy to do just that. His first stop: the bar.

Alvin slipped out the back door without even mentioning to anyone that he was leaving or where he was going, half-walking, half-running to get away. As soon as he entered the fancy building, he ordered the strongest drink they offered and slammed it in a single gulp. He knew his group would probably get him in trouble for showing up late, but he didn't care. He'd had too much crap to deal with for several days and was needing a break. While he drank, he'd think about the things he needed to resolve before they became a threat. Namely: Leia.

He could still feel the heat of her lips on his. Why would she do something like that? She couldn't have known his feelings towards her—she was way too slow to catch onto THAT—so… If she wasn't doing it for his benefit, could she…?

"There's no way..." Alvin murmured into his cup as he sat on one of the hard wooden chairs at the bar. "There has to be a reason behind it, but she couldn't..."

She had been so scared of him leaving—what would make her think that he'd go? And why would it matter? It's true that she talked to him a lot about what happened, but…

She really needs to make more friends." He sighed dejectedly, not realizing that he was still speaking aloud.

Didn't she realize how incredibly unfair she was being, to drag him along through all of her problems? She was stringing him along, playing him like he was a toy. He almost felt bad for HER, knowing how guilty she'd feel if she knew…

But that was the problem, wasn't it? She didn't know, and he couldn't tell her. It was all becoming a convoluted mess—it would be so simple if she were older… And it was wrong for him to have ever gotten this close to her because she was so young. In trying to redeem himself for one wrong doing, he committed another. He had fallen for a young girl—his best friend.

"What the hell am I gonna do now…?" Alvin slammed his head on the table with a thud and groaned.

A part of him wondered if she actually liked him too. After all, hadn't Rowan said something like that before? And the way that she looked at him—tears in her eyes, pleading him not to go… It wouldn't be too far-fetched to draw such a conclusion…

But that fact only made him angry. Was the girl completely psychotic? Why would she like him? He was far too old for her and much too dangerous. She didn't have the sense the spirits gave a chirpee. If she suspected he had feelings for her, she should run as far away as she could get. She should KNOW better than to think of him as anything more than a shady guy that travels with her. He couldn't believe she'd be dumb enough to like him, much less kiss him.

...And spirits help him, he burned for more. When her lips smacked his (it hadn't been a gently encounter), his entire being lit up; it felt like his insides were scorching, ready to melt into a puddle of stupid-Alvin-goo. If he hadn't realized that he would have hurt her… He didn't know if he could have stopped. Luckily, as he moved his hand across her cheek, he felt a tear falling—that snapped him out of his haze.

But what if I hadn't? What if, in the heat of the moment, I hurt her? What if she allowed me to take things that far…? What if she insisted herself?

As his mind processed these fears, he downed another glass of liquor. There was too much wrong with this whole situation. He wasn't in the position to fix it—ANY of it. He was powerless.

"Pour me another, bartender." Alvin called, trying to force to a smile.

"Hard day?" The man behind the counter asked as he complied.

"Hard life." Alvin replied, taking another swig.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Noooo, thank you." He laughed humorlessly. "It wouldn't help, but thanks."

And I don't want to be incriminated for anything. He added silently.

"Well, all right. Sometimes it helps to talk, though."

Alvin just smirked into the glass and took another gulp, nodding his head to the man as he walked away. While he appreciated the attempt to help, there was no way in ANY dimension that he would discuss such a sensitive subject with an outsider. He didn't particularly want to discuss it at all—he wanted the whole problem to go away.

That wasn't necessarily true, though, was it? He didn't want it to go away, he just wished that the "problem" was a few years older… Or perhaps that such an age gap wasn't a taboo. Either way, the thought of none of the mess ever happening made him cringe. He didn't want that—he'd grown a lot closer to Leia during all of the confusion.

I am so screwed…

Leia was in a foul mood, but what's new? It seemed as though that was becoming her new normal, a realization which did nothing to make her feel better.

She hadn't spoken to Alvin all day because he was mad at her for NO REAL REASON, and she didn't know how to get along with the others anymore. She was getting so tangled in her secrets that she wasn't sure how to open up about anything. Every conversation seemed to lead her back to the whole ordeal. Even worse, people were starting to notice her odd behavior now—people like Rowan.

Which brought her thoughts back to Alvin. What was his problem? I mean, it's true that Leia didn't want anyone to know what was going on, but he didn't have to be an asshole to Rowan just because of a few questions! And why did he look so pissed at HER afterwards? What did SHE do?

Except tell him that he owes me… Aaand kiss him, even after he warned me how things looked… And then pushed him down… Dammit.

She started to feel scared as she paced the floors of the inn. What if she really had pissed him off? What if he didn't want to be around her anymore? What if he just viewed her as a spoiled brat? What if he didn't LIKE her anymore? What if he was sick of her?

Leia felt her throat constrict and her head start to spin. She sat down on the floor and put her head between her knees, fighting off tears and her sudden inability to breathe. While she tried to recover, the same thoughts plagued her, making it almost impossible to regain her composure.

"Are you okay, Leia?" A small voice pulled her out of her thoughts. "You look awfully pale..." Elize stood before her, her face filled with worry.

"E-Elize..." Leia whispered, feeling traitorous tears start to fall. "I don't know what to do..."

"What's wrong?" The young blond asked, sitting next to her friend. "Maybe I can help."

"I-I don't know if you can..." She was torn between wanting to talk to someone and keeping her secrets. Her anxiety was at an all-time high and her need for companionship won over her discretion. "Have you ever had a secret?"

"Sure, I'm good with those." She smiled, ignoring the little doll flying around her. "Teepo isn't so great at it, though..."

"Well..." Leia eyed the doll nervously, sighing in relief when Elize commanded him to leave. "I mean, a really big secret—something that hurts your feelings, but you still can't tell."

"...I don't know that I have." She said seriously. "Do you want to tell me?"

"No." Leia said quickly. "But imagine you have a really big secret that really hurts you, so you tell one person—only one, no one else can know..." She paused, watching the child teen nod with wide eyes. "And you grow really close to this person, but then… The person gets really mad at you, and you don't really know why… What do you do?"

"Have you tried talking to the person?" Elize asked innocently.

"Well, they don't seem to want to talk. Plus, I… You may know why they're mad. You did something… rash. You don't regret it, but you're scared that they're angry now."

"...So, let me get this straight: you know you did something bad to the only person who knew your secret? Why?"

"Not bad." Leia protested, sitting up to glare. "It's not a BAD thing. It was just… maybe it was unexpected."

"And the person won't talk to you now?"

"That's right."

"...But didn't it all start from a secret? Isn't the secret why you can't go to anyone else?" Smoothing her skirt, Elize stared at the wall while she thought.

"Well, yeah..." She responded hesitantly.

"Then tell your friends the secret." Elize concluded, shrugging as though it was really simple. "Then you could talk to them and maybe they can help you with your other friend."

"But what if the secret that you're hiding isn't YOUR secret? And what if the person the secret is actually about doesn't KNOW that you know?"

"Wait, I'm confused." Elize confessed, taking her backpack off of her shoulders to pull out a drink. "If it's not your secret, then why does it matter?"

"It just does."

"Okay, well… Why not talk to the person that actually has the secret?"

"Because I don't want to." Leia said shortly, crossing her arms. "The secret itself hurt me, so I don't want to."

"Oh..." Elize's brow furrowed as she took a sip of juice through a straw. "This isn't hypothetical, is it? Did Jude do something to hurt your feelings?"

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." Leia hissed, jumping to her feet.

"W-wait, Leia! Don't go!" Elize cried out as she watched Leia storm out of the inn. With a sigh, Elize pulled out her GHS, texting the only person she knew that might be able to tactfully help: Rowan. Maybe he could sort it out…

Alvin knew his hour was about up, but he no longer cared. After seven shots of whiskey, it was a wonder he cared about anything anymore. As he slammed an eighth glass down, he wondered why it mattered if he let them finish this one stupid mission without him—hell, maybe without Leia too. The two of them needed to have a heart-to-heart anyways. He was tired of keeping secrets—his AND hers.

Maybe, just maybe, he could tell her how he really felt. Maybe she wouldn't mind—maybe she felt the same way about him.

Maybe it'll all turn out okay.

"Is this spot taken?" A deep voice made Alvin turn around. Gaius and Muzet stood there staring at him.

"Nah. Have a seat. Why the hell not?" Alvin sighed, knowing that it didn't make a difference what he said.

"You fought with her again." Gaius stated, not bothering with idle chit chat.

"We didn't fight." Alvin snapped back, annoyed by his lack of tact.

"But you aren't getting along either." Muzet chimed in, smiling at his bewildered expression. "Surely you don't think I'm going to stay out of this. It's so fun!"

"You don't even know what's going on, so don't comment." Alvin glared, signaling for another drink.

"Sure I do. Or I have a very good guess, at least." Muzet giggled, she and Gaius both taking a seat.

"Oh? Do tell me what's wrong, then." Alvin said sarcastically, rolling his eyes and taking another sip.

"Jude and Milla got especially cozy and Leia saw them." Muzet smiled even wider when both Alvin's and Gaius's mouths dropped open.

"How did you…?"

"Who do you think pointed out that she forgot her hat?"

If Gaius hadn't jumped up to stop him, Alvin was convinced he would have strangled Muzet. SHE caused it, then! All of these problems and headaches and sleepless nights—SHE caused them!

"Of course, I certainly didn't expect her to go to YOU for help. I was hoping to build our friendship by being there for her."

"YOU CAUSED IT!" Alvin shouted, pushing Gaius;s arm off of him. "You can't help a person when you caused the trouble!"

"I didn't make Jude and Milla do anything." Muzet pointed out, scowling. "I just pushed Leia in the right direction to see it. I HELPED her. If I hadn't, she'd still be pining over a taken man!"

"You HURT her!" Slamming down his glass, he tried to calm himself. "You didn't see her cry—you didn't see what it did to her when she saw!"

"Well, she didn't come to me." She shrugged nonchalantly. Once again, Gaius calmly grabbed Alvin by the waist and held him away from the great spirit.

"Why are you so upset about this?" Muzet huffed, crossing her arms. "It shouldn't matter to you at all."

"Muzet, that's enough." Gaius warned, but Muzet had one more question.

"Do you love her?"

Alvin almost denied it again, but the liquor and stress and something else stopped him. He was exhausted and more than a little tipsy—and wouldn't it be better to just get it out in the open? He couldn't help his feelings either way—why should his friends hold them against him? Besides, one denial always led to another, one secret created many…

"...Does it matter?" He finally sighed, taking a slow step backwards. "Even if I did, it couldn't be acted upon. And even if I didn't, you're already convinced, aren't you?"

"I'm still surprised you wouldn't admit that." Gaius stated, looking at Alvin with—was that awe? "I expected a complete denial."

"Why bother?"

"Not really sure this is an improvement, though." The raven-haired warrior mused. "While you denied it before, you still cared. Are you really so exhausted?"

"Yes." Alvin replied, staring at a spot on the floor. "You ready to string me up yet?"

"For what?" Gaius shrugged, taking a drink from his own glass.

"Because she's too young. Because I have no right. Because I hurt her once before—badly. I am the last person who deserves to feel something for her."

"So you've basically started a crusade against yourself." Muzet said quietly. "No wonder you're so tired—why would we need to attack you when you insist on attacking yourself?

"Plus, you seem to project those thoughts onto others." Gaius added, nodding. "Just because you can't forgive yourself doesn't mean no one has. You and I were enemies last year—we're not now. I believe that I've been forgiven."

"You have been." Alvin sat back down next to him.

"Then why do you assume that you have not?"

"Because I shouldn't have been."

"You deserve to be forgiven." Gaius argued, raising his hand to silence his friend's protests. "You have made up for it—to the extent that Leia would go to you for help before she would go to another. The only one who hasn't forgiven you is yourself."

The three of them sat in silcence for a few minutes, letting that sink in. Alvin knew that Gaius had a very good point, but his mind shied away from the idea. After all, how could they think he deserved to be forgiven? He hadn't received any true punishment for his sins—how could they just let it go like that? Leia could have died. He could have created a world without her laugh or smile or texts or random punches—he could have ruined everything. How dare they forgive him like that… Didn't Leia mean anything to them? If Jude had done the same thing, Alvin never would have forgiven him.

` But… is that logical? What if he'd almost hurt someone ELSE? Alvin thought, sliding his glass back and forth across the table. What if I'd almost hurt Rowan? Would I have forgiven myself by now? Would I believe him when he said he'd forgiven me?

The sad part was that Alvin knew the answer. It wasn't that his mess-up was unforgivable—it was the fact that SHE was hurt. He would never forgive himself for hurting HER.

"So how do I move on from something like that?" Alvin finally spoke up, turning to his companions. "How do I even begin to forgive myself for hurting someone that I care so much about…?"

"It might help to talk to her about your feelings." Muzet stated, ecstatic for the chance to help. "If she knew..."

Absolutely not." Alvin cut her off. "She can't know about any of this. How could I throw that on her? Besides, if she had half a brain, she'd run from me after hearing the truth. She should stay away from me..."

"So, are you more scared of her running or of her accepting you?" Gaius met Alvin's gaze, a strangely defiant look in his eyes.

"Much to his surprise, Alvin held his gaze and answered him honestly.

"Both."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter this time. I'll try to do more in the next chapter. 
> 
> I don't own Tales of Xillia or any of its characters.
> 
> You also may note that I don't actually include Ludger or Elle in the story. They're harder to write--particularly Ludger since his personality depends on what you choose. Therefore, I'll keep them out of the story. The actual game story line will happen in the background, but probably won't be in the actual story. Yikes... Did I say the word "story" enough times? Sorry about that--anyways, I hope you guys like the chapter.

Gaius found himself sitting next to Jude, feeling very uncomfortable. He had recently learned something about the boy that made him unsure of what to do. The “secret” hadn’t tarnished his view of the boy or of Milla Maxwell, but it had, in a way, put him in the middle of an inevitable explosion. He didn’t want to be the one to talk to Jude about any of it (nor was it his place to do so), but he also wasn’t sure what to say. He knew from the furrow in his brow that Jude was thinking about the whole situation as well, although the young boy didn’t know the whole story like Gaius did.

“Have you talked to Leia recently?” Sure enough, Jude broke the silence with exactly the conversation that Gaius didn’t want to have.

“No.” He answered shortly, crossing his arms and scowling.

“Oh… I think she’s mad at me.” Jude continued, sighing and looking to the side. “In fact, I’m sure of it, but she won’t tell me what I did.”

“...Is that so?” 

“Yeah, and I don’t know what to do. I mean, she’s been my friend since we were little kids. I’ve never seen her this mad before—I honestly don’t even know why she’s mad. I haven’t said anything to her…” At this point, Jude was really just talking to himself, so Gaius stayed quiet. “We’ve been through so much together. Now she won’t even talk to me. I don’t know what to do to make it better—I think that’s the worst part. How do we get back to normal…?”

“Relationships change, Jude.” Gaius said cryptically, trying to give advice without hurting anyone or giving anything away. “What do you consider normal, anyway?”

“What do you mean? You know what her normal is.”

“Well, I know that she’s been in love with you since you were little. Have you ever wondered if maybe she’s starting to feel differently?” 

“Heh. Yeah, right.” Jude laughed and leaned back on the bench where the two of them sat. “Leia is Leia. She’s nothing if not stubborn. I doubt something like that can happen.”

A swift and sudden feeling of annoyance hit Gaius, surprising him. He knew that Jude didn’t mean the things that he was saying, but Gaius could see now why Alvin was having such a hard time acting normal around this particular boy.

He’s a dick.

“Pretty confident in your ability to keep a girl in love, then?” He asked, sitting up straighter. “What makes you think it’s impossible for her to like someone else?”

“Does she? Have you heard something?” Jude stood up and turned to his friend. “If Alvin has tried something to her, I’ll--”

“What makes you think that Alvin has anything to do with it?”

“Oh please. Gaius, you’ve seen the two of them lately.” Jude gave him a funny look. “They have secret talks, they camp next to each other, they spend all their time together… They haven’t been very subtle about whatever it is. I don’t know what Alvin is thinking, but it’s really starting to piss me off.” 

“What if Alvin hasn’t noticed? What if Leia is flirting and he doesn’t know it?” Gaius challenged, turning his body to face the boy. “What if she’s changed her mind all on her own?”

“Alvin acted like he knew what was going on but wouldn’t tell me. There’s no way he’d be oblivious if she told him something about it. Even if she didn’t blatantly admit that she likes him, I’m sure that he’d pick up on the signs that she’s been sending out.” He ran his hand through his hair in irritation. “You’d think he’d tell her to go away or something. Even if he isn’t actively seducing her, it’s just as bad that he hasn’t put an end to it.”

“Or maybe Alvin knows what’s wrong and is simply trying to help her.”

“She should have come to me if there was something wrong!” Jude jumped up and shouted. Blushing, he sat back down and scratched his chin. 

“If she’s angry with you, she certainly wouldn’t come to you to talk about it. Even if you don’t remember doing anything, that doesn’t mean that it’s impossible. And if you want to speak of subtlety…” This time Gaius rose, crossing his arms and glaring down at the sixteen-year-old. “You and Milla haven’t been acting the same either.”

“M-me and Milla?”

“You spend more time together. You go places together. You sit next to each other and whisper things to each other. Are you really so much better?” He tried to explain calmly.

“That’s different!” Jude cried.

“I don’t think it is. Leia must have noticed it too.” Gaius spoke the last bit without thinking about what he was saying. After the words left his mouth, he had to fight to contain the panic that flooded his system. Had he said too much?

“R-really?” Jude’s face turned an interesting color of crimson as he wondered how much Leia knew. What if…?

“I wouldn’t be so quick to condemn Alvin when you’re just as guilty for the same actions that you continue to insist they have done.”

“But if she loves him--” Jude was cut off when Gaius snorted. He glared at the older man, offended.

“It’s only been a few days that she’s been acting like this, Jude.” Gaius tried to explain himself. “Do you honestly think that she’s fallen in love with him that quickly? Do you honestly think that a person can fall for another so easily? In so little time?”

“Yes, I do.” He replied with conviction.

“Then you are a fool.” 

Surprised by Gaius’s harsh words, Jude went on the offensive. “And what do you know about love, Gaius? Do you have a secret wife?” He asked, his eyes narrowing. “I doubt you have any experience at all with love.”

That made Gaius stop completely, and, without knowing why, Jude didn’t dare even to breathe. He knew immediately that he’d gone too far, but he wasn’t sure in what way exactly. DID Gaius have a secret wife or something? Or maybe he was a virgin. Either way, Jude suddenly felt like he was very much in danger.

“Fuck you, Jude.” Gaius growled before jumping up, turning on his heel and walking away, leaving Jude to wonder which possible reason it was that had made the older man so angry.

 

Rowan sighed when he received the text message from Elize. It seemed that no matter how much he tried to make his fellow companions realize that things weren’t as complicated as they thought, they always seemed to make more trouble. It wasn’t that Rowan was angry at them—he was very fond of them, and it would take more than petty bickering to make him truly angry—but he was getting a little exasperated. 

Filling a container full of water before leaving, Rowan eventually started walking around town. He wasn’t sure where Leia would go to calm down, so he had to find her the old fashioned way. Surprisingly, it didn’t take him very long at all to see her sitting at the edge of one of the docks with her toes in the water. He watched for a few minutes as she kicked her feet and stared at the sunset before he cleared his throat.

“Rowan!” It took her a moment to recover from her sudden fear—he had startled her. “How long have you been there?”

“Oh, I only arrived a few moments ago.” He smiled serenely, looking at the sky to give her time to recover in privacy. “I came to see if you were feeling better.”

“Better?”

“Yes, Elize messaged me and said you seemed… upset. I was hoping to be of some assistance.”

“Oh.” She looked properly guilty as she thought about her young friend. She knew that Elize had only been trying to help, and she had inadvertently taken her frustration out on the girl. She’d have some apologizing to do later.

“She was merely worried about you, Leia, not offended. The young miss thought that I may be able to help. I believe her words were “Leia’d trust you because you’re an adult.” He chuckled softly, his gentle expression giving away the grandfatherly tenderness he felt for Elize. “She’s growing up to be a fine young woman, and she truly cares about you.”

“How much do you already know, Rowen?” Leia asked suddenly, sighing in defeat.

“Only that Jude did something that caused offense and that you went to Alvin for comfort.” He didn’t waste words.

“It caused more than offense… It caused pain.” She whispered, sitting back down and hugging her knees.

“Why are you so afraid to tell others?” Getting to the point, he sat next to her and stared at the water. “Does the secret involve you or was it information about another?”

“About another.” She said simply, setting her chin upon her knees. “I’m upset, but I don’t want anyone’s view to change… about anyone. I don’t want to ruin reputations.” She hesitated for a moment, trying to decide how to phrase her thoughts. “I saw something that could change opinions of… someone.” She grimaced at how dumb her explanation must have sounded.

“Don’t tell me, Leia.” He replied quietly, surprising her. “My opinion of him will not change, but it would weigh heavily on your soul if you told me anything. Let’s talk instead about you; let’s talk about Alvin. What happened between the two of you?”

“When I… Well, I found myself outside his room. I don’t even know why, but… I went to him to make me feel better.” For reasons unknown to her, she felt a blush on her cheeks.

“Why did you not come to me?” Rowen asked purely out of curiosity.

“I guess… I was embarrassed. I didn’t want to explain it to you. I didn’t think that Alvin would be bothered by the information, and he may be able to help me feel better. It’s kinda hard to explain.”

“Did you think I would judge you…?”

“No!” She answered quickly, afraid that she’d hurt his feelings. “It’s like… When something goes wrong and you talk to your friends instead of your parents.” She tapped her chin, trying to think of a way to word it. “You’re sort of like the grandfather of the group. I really care about you, but I needed someone closer to my age—erm, maybe not age… Closer to my mental age.” She laughed at that part.

“I think I understand what you mean.” He smiled as if he had an inside joke that he was remembering, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “And I thank you for seeing me as family—I think of all of you much the same way.”

“I’m glad you took that the way I meant it.” She grinned, standing and looking him in the eyes.

“I have one other question, young miss.” He held a hand up as if to say, ‘I’m not done with you yet.’

“Yes?” She asked, a little startled.

“What exactly do you think of Alvin?”

For a few moments, Leia just stared at him, unsure what he meant by that. Surely he wasn’t asking if… she liked him? She trusted Rowen with her life, but she hesitated to tell him something so… personal. But, she realized, that didn’t really make sense, did it? She had told him that she loved Jude, hadn’t she? Why was Alvin different?

“Your answer will not affect my view of Alvin, and I have no intentions of telling anyone else the information you give me.” Rowen assured her, misinterpreting her silence.

“I trust him.” She started, thinking about her answer. “He thinks that I shouldn’t forgive him, but he’s… He’s the person I trust the most right now.”

“Is that all?” There was that mischievous glint in his eye again.

“Um… Can we have a rain check on this conversation?” She sighed after a moment. “Because I don’t really know right now. There’s a lot going on, and I’m really confused...”

“Yes, young miss, I think we can do that.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jude finally decides to confront Leia and all hell breaks loose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this seems a little... slapdash. I had a really hard time with this chapter (although you'd think it'd be an easier one to write, it wasn't). And I also know it's pretty late.--I've had a lot on my plate.

Alvin sighed and moved his cup in a circular motion, causing the liquid inside to slosh around. He was trying to relax, but it was becoming more and more difficult the more time passed with nothing resolved. It had been over a week since he’d seen Leia alone—things had started to get hectic between saving the world, his business, and her job. It was easy to forget that real life continued regardless of how much was going on.

“That’s the fourth time you’ve sighed in the past ten minutes.” Gaius, who was sitting across from Alvin, grumbled.

Gaius had also been a foul mood, but he refused to tell anyone what happened. Most people (even a few in their entourage) didn’t notice a difference—Gaius always had rough manners—but Alvin was sure that something was wrong. The two of them had spent a surprising amount of time together in the last week. For Alvin, it was just a relief that someone knew and seemed to understand his plight. As for Gaius… Well, Alvin couldn’t really figure out why he decided to hang around him. Either way, he was grateful that the king chose to sit with him instead of allowing him to go absolutely insane.

“Thinking about it isn’t going to help.” The raven-haired man said quietly narrowing his eyes at his own drink. Alvin couldn’t decided if he was talking to him or himself. Gaius placed his chin in his left hand, and if were anyone else, Alvin would swear he was pouting.

“All right, what’s up with you?” Alvin finally ventured, trying and failing to hide his annoyance with his friend. “You’ve been pissy all week—not that I’m complaining,” he quickly amended when he saw Gaius’s murderous glare. “I just mean… You can talk to me. You already know what my issue is—it’s your turn to share.”

“Jude is...”

“An asshole?” Alvin offered, grinning at his friend’s hesitance.

“Yes.” He said simply, taking a drink. “He thinks he knows more than me about women.”

“...And?” Alvin choked down another laugh as Gaius reached for his blade. Alvin couldn’t help it, though—would the king of Auj Oule really be so offended by a naive little boy? After a full minute, Gaius sighed and continued.

“...I’m starting to worry that he might be right.” He waited for Alvin’s sudden burst of poorly concealed laughter to subside before going on. “It’s not that he’s CORRECT, Alvin. I’ve been with women...” His face turned an interesting shade of crimson at the admission and he lowered his voice even more. “...It’s just been a long time.”

“You’re telling me… that you’re upset because you need a _shag_?” It took several minutes before Alvin had recovered enough to even speak. He wiped a tear of mirth from his eye and tried to catch his breath before he continued. “That’s relatively easy to remedy, pal.”

“That’s NOT what I meant.”

“What do you mean then?” He tried to look serious, but a stubborn grin found its way back to his face.

“Sex is easy enough to find, but it comes with unnecessary headaches. I purposefully avoid it when I can.” He started to explain.

“When you CAN?” Alvin raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, when I can.” He said simply, the stubborn blush continuing to mar his face.

“Well… Hell, dude, I don’t even know what to say to that. Go get yourself a girlfriend? Or just ignore Jude. The latter might be easier, though—just a heads-up.” Alvin chuckled before running his hands through his hair. “You wouldn’t want to find yourself in a situation like mine.”

“Your situation is entirely your own doing, Alvin.” Gaius frowned, glaring. He continued before his friend could protest, holding up his hand. “She is of age in her world. You would not be persecuted for being with her—you, yourself, normally live in Rieze Maxia. Just because you were born in Elymios does not mean that SHE should have to follow their rules.”

“But I DO.” He growled, hitting his head on the table in frustration. He felt like they had had this conversation a million times, and Gaius refused to understand his dilemma. “If that were the case, I’d only be allowed to see her in Reize Maxia. Those laws don’t transfer over HERE. It wouldn’t work—I’d only end up hurting her by having to hide her in my own _home_!”

“Then don’t mention it to anyone here. It’s not like you’re planning on marrying her or anything.”

“Ouch. You make me sound like I’m using her.” He winced, clutching his chest in exaggerated pain. “I mean, no, I haven’t thought about anything like THAT, but… It still doesn’t feel right.”

“Because you’re overthinking it.” Gaius said simply. “You think that everyone will immediately know that you’ve been with her—you act like a young bride on her wedding night...”

“...Did you just call me a _virgin_?” Alvin asked incredulously before cracking up. The more that he was around Gaius, the more shocking he became—he was more than just a hard-ass. He had a weird sense of humor that he delivered without the slightest change in expression. Alvin knew he was partially joking, but it still made him nervous to be around him sometimes.

“No, I said you were acting like one.” He quipped, taking a sip from his drink.

Sighing in defeat, Alvin let the subject drop, unsure of what else to add to the conversation that he hadn’t already said numerous times. Gaius was nothing if not stubborn, and Alvin didn’t know anyone who would say otherwise—strong, brave, focused, and goal oriented, but incredibly stubborn. He never would have gotten as far as he had if he wasn’t, Alvin supposed, but it was still frustrating and pointless to argue with him. He had a one-track mind and his opinion was not easily changed.

“Why are you cheering for me to get with Leia anyway?” Alvin suddenly asked, curious.

“Cheering is a strong word.” Gaius replied, giving him a strange look. “But seeing you both look so forlorn makes me want to do something about it. You want her; she wants you. I just don’t understand what the problem is.”

“You know what the problem is.”

“It’s a non-problem. You need to decide what you want. When you decide, then you act upon it—with her consent, of course.” He stood up from the table as he said this, reaching for his wallet. “I will warn you—if you treat her badly or hurt her intentionally, you won’t have to worry about any of the others. I’ll hunt you down myself.”

“Thanks for the loyalty…”

 

 

Jude was done with waiting for Leia to make a move and tell him what the hell was going on. He had tried to follow Alvin’s advice, but she had yet to tell him anything—in fact, she was still avoiding him entirely. He was going to sort this out today—without Alvin. He had watched Alvin and Gaius go into the bar not too long ago, and he knew that this could be his only chance to talk to her alone, not only to ask about why she was angry, but also to ask about her connection to Alvin.

Leia had hidden behind Alvin; she had used him as a shield. The trust he had seen directed at that bastard was more than he could take. It’s true, Alvin was his friend, but he wasn’t going to trust him with Leia. Hadn’t he already done enough damage when it came to her?

Leia was a complicated issue with Jude; she had always been there for him when he needed her. They had been friends since before Jude could remember, and he knew how she wore her heart on her sleeve. The look of trust and… whatever else it was in her eye… That was a look that she’d exclusively given him for years. It shook him when he saw that change—why would she be interested in someone else?

Every time his thoughts turned in this particular direction, Jude ended up feeling confused. He shouldn’t care if Leia liked someone else—he didn’t care, he reminded himself—but it couldn’t be Alvin. Anyone but him (of course, when he thought of her liking a random person, the same feelings of shock and resentment still revealed themselves, but he wasn’t going to think about that right now). The point was: he was going to talk to her, and it was imperative that Alvin wasn’t there.

So, he wondered around Fenmont looking for her, thanking the spirits that they happened to stay in a place with which he was well-acquainted. It didn’t take him very long to find her, much to his surprise (he was still thinking that she would be hiding from him). Finally, it was time to get things out in the open…

 

Leia smiled to herself as she looked at the items being sold in the town center. There were little stuffed animals, which she thought were very cute. One in particular, a “flirty frog,” caught her attention. She giggled as she remembered a conversation with Alvin about her fondness for using emojis—the frog one, mostly—and she immediately decided she’d buy the toy and give it to him.

When she turned around, her heart leapt into her throat at who she saw. Without waiting for her to run, Jude grabbed her hand and lead her away from the bustling crowd. When he found a more secluded spot (near his old school), he let her hand go and turned to her.

“Okay, what’s been going on with you…?” He began, trying to calm his own nerves as he watched her struggle with hers. “I tried to give you space and wait, but… You still aren’t talking to me. I just want to know how I can fix whatever I did.”

“You can’t.” Her voice squeaked, much to her embarrassment and frustration. Clearing her throat, she repeated more steadily, “you can’t.”

“How can you say that? You haven’t even told me what I’ve done, yet you’re willing to throw away nearly ten years of friendship? I don’t understand what’s gotten into you lately! You’ve been clinging to Alvin like a lovesick puppy, even after what he’s done to you; you’ve refused to even look me in the eye; and you’ve even been keeping secrets from everyone else!” His control was starting to wane as he vented, taking away the calm voice he wanted to use while having this discussion with it.

“I don’t want to talk about this, Jude… _Please_...” Leia practically begged him to drop the conversation and leave her alone, her heart feeling as thought it were being pricked by a thousand tiny needles. It hurt to even look at Jude, much less talk about why she was upset.

_'I don’t want to tell you… I don’t want you to know that I know… You’d find a way to convince me that it’s okay—or that I’m somehow responsible for feeling the way that I do… Like it’s MY fault…'_

“No, we’re going to talk about it.” Jude said stubbornly, crossing his arms. “What did I do? You know what? I’m more concerned about why you went to ALVIN for help. Why him?! Anyone is better than him! Did you forget what he did to you? Are you so eager to be hurt again?”

Now it was Leia’s turn to be angry.

“You’re a two-faced hypocrite, you know that?” She snapped, going on the offensive. “You’ve hurt me just as badly as he has, even if it didn’t show. You were so broken at that point, you made me feel like I didn’t matter! Even then, I still protected you! You seem to think that he was only attacking us because he wanted to, but the truth is, he was _just as broken as you were_! Or did you forget that?” With a frustrated growl, she swiped tears off of her cheeks.

“I didn’t _attack_ you!” Jude’s voice rose, clearly offended at being compared to Alvin. “I was hurt and lost and confused, but I still didn’t attack you!”

“Yeah, and you could’ve went home! You and me—we had somewhere to go! A family waiting for us! He was trapped on a planet where he had _no one!_ Don’t try to act like we’re somehow above him! He majorly screwed up, but he has made UP for it!”

“Why are you protecting him, Leia?” Jude didn’t bother to answer her; instead, he changed tactics. “Are you… trying to make me jealous?” He asked this quietly, honestly confused.

“Wh… _What?!_ ” Leia’s brain stopped for a few seconds, trying to register what he’d said to her. “Jude… You’ve lost your damn mind.” She said so softly that he barely heard her. With that, she turned to walk away.

At this point, both of them were so upset that they couldn’t think straight. Jude truly thought that he was about to lose his best friend because she wanted him to want her, and Leia was so disgusted by his treatment of Alvin that she could hardly breathe. One wanted to leave and one wanted to work things out, and both of their thought processes had changed so much in the past year that they were no longer on the same wavelength as they had been in their childhood. It was to be expected that a misunderstanding of epic proportions was about to happen…

 

It was a nice night out (well, night is… sort of subjective where they were…), so Alvin and Gaius decided to take a walk around town. Neither had a whole lot to say but the cool breeze that was blowing made it easier for their foul moods to lift as they roamed around, occasionally commenting on something they saw or tossing out a joke.

Everything seemed to be going really well, and Alvin was riding out his buzz happily. He felt lighter than he had in a while (which he blamed entirely on the alcohol in his blood). The problems he’d been thinking about earlier seemed to be miles away.

“See, this is why I have to drink every now and then,” he started, turning to Gaius and grinning. “I already feel much better.”

“That is not a good mind set to have, I think.” His companion said seriously, narrowing his eyes. “It’s a good way to start drinking more than one should...”

“Naaah. It’s all good. I’ve managed this far, haven’t… I…?” He trailed off as they neared the school and his mind started to process what he was seeing in front of him.

Jude had Leia cornered against the building, speaking to her urgently. He couldn’t make out what they were saying yet, but already Alvin was seething. He knew that Gaius noticed the same thing because he felt him stiffen next to him, suddenly aware of danger.

“Why are you protecting him, Leia? Are you… trying to make me jealous?” The wind carried Jude’s words to the duo, but stopped before they could hear Leia’s response.

What happened next seemed to slow down time. Leia turned to leave, her face tear-streaked and angry, but Jude grabbed her arm and jerked. She fell back towards him, and he put his other hand on the back of her head, pushing her lips to his and locking them there. Obviously fighting, Leia pushed against his chest with her free hand, but he wasn’t letting her go.

Something in Alvin snapped.

He didn’t know how he suddenly was standing next to the pair, but he _did_ know that he was grabbing Jude by the throat… and throwing him into the wall. He _did_ know (vaguely) that he was punching him. The words leaving Jude’s lips were lost to him, but he didn’t care. It wasn’t until someone lifted him and moved him aside that any coherent thought came back to him…

_Leia._

He had to get to her. He had to help her.

He turned around, searching for her face, her eyes, her _essence_ …

But she was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAHHH!! Oh my gosh, that last part was really hard to write! (Which is surprising cuz I was actually really excited to write it). I hope you guys like it! Shoot me a comment--let me know what you thought.


	9. Chapter 9

Leia was running faster than she’d ever run from anything, tears falling down her face. She felt angry and hurt and, more than anything, disgusted. How could she ever have _wanted_ to kiss that asshole? She ran her hand across her mouth for what must have been the hundredth time, attempting to wipe away the lingering feeling on her lips.

_What if Alvin hurt him?_

The thought made her slow to a stop, not sure what to do. She had tried so hard to make sure that no one thought badly of Jude… What could she have done better? Why had he done something like that—especially since he had Milla.

What about _her_? Would she be hurt because of this? Would Leia end up being blamed for it?

_What if Alvin hurt him?_

She couldn’t seem to push that thought out of her head. She had seen him pick Jude up by the throat and throw him… And then she ran. Alvin was no where in sight, so… What if he had stayed behind? What if he actually hurt Jude? Would that make her feel better?

_No!_ _I don’t want him hurt—I just want him away from me!_

Her emotions startled her in more than one way as she put her face in her hands and cried, hard. She felt dirty and scared and sick at what happened, but she didn’t want him hurt. What would that fix? Besides, wouldn’t that make things harder for Alvin? She wondered if she’d be able to forgive Alvin if he seriously hurt Jude… And she wasn’t sure of the answer. Thinking about it just made her heart ache more. What was she supposed to do to fix this?

Playing victim wasn’t something that Leia enjoyed… It was difficult to leave the depressing and disturbing thoughts behind her, but she tried—not only for herself but for Alvin and Jude.

Jude was someone so important to her, even if she was appalled and, honestly, terrified by him right then. Even with this one incident, she didn’t want anything to happen to him. He had been right in one sense: could she really let one or two incidents destroy almost 10 years worth of friendship? They DID need to have a long talk, she realized.

_If I had just talked to him to begin with… Could I have prevented this…?_

She shook her head, trying to push that thought out. Blaming herself for everything wouldn’t solve the problem—plus, it wasn’t true. It was her right to wait to talk until she was ready… Wasn’t it? And, even if it wasn’t, it didn’t give Jude the right to force a kiss on her. Or worse, _force_ her to kiss him back! No matter how one looked at it, that part was definitely Jude’s fault.

Knowing that Leia needed to talk to Jude did _not_ make her any more willing to go to him. She… she wanted Alvin. Where was he? Was he still fighting Jude? No, there’s no proof that he fought him! She couldn’t think like that. Maybe he would be looking for her?

_Or maybe he thought you chose Jude. Did he think that you just used him to make Jude jealous? Wasn’t that what Jude said? That he thought you USED Alvin to make him notice you? What if Alvin is super mad at you now? What if he hates you?_

Suddenly feeling lightheaded, Leia fell down into a seated position and placed her head between her legs, gasping for air. No matter how much oxygen went into her lungs, the inability to breathe only seemed to get worse. After a few seconds she realized that she was actually hyperventilating, but she didn’t have anything to help her… So she continued to sputter and cough and gasp while tears fell down her face.

 

Alvin heard her before he saw her. He had expected the condition she was in, but when his eyes met her small frame sitting in the grass outside of Fenmont, he started to panic. Would he be able to offer any assistance? Would she reject his help? What if a _man_ was the last type of person she wanted to help?

When she started loudly sobbing, it made his decision.

“Leia...” He bent down and murmured when he reached her, touching her arm softly. “Hey, it’s okay… It’s over now.”

_What a stupid thing to say!_ Alvin mentally kicked himself, struggling internally. _What do you say to someone in this situation? Do they have laws against this sort of thing here? Should I turn Jude in? Would that make things worse? Should I keep quiet about it? Is that what she would want me to do? Can I help with with anything? How do I get her breathing normal? Is that the correct way of saying that—breathing normal?_

His thoughts were all over the place, but they were immediately stopped when she threw herself onto his chest. His arms circled her on their own, his brain too shell-shocked by the whole ordeal to even work anymore. For several minutes, all he could do was squeeze her tight and let her cry, her tears soaking his shirt. It took him a bit to realize that she was saying something.

“-hurt him? Please, tell me you didn’t!”

“...Did you just ask if I hurt him?” Alvin sounded calm, and he felt the need to congratulate himself on the accomplishment. Surely, she didn’t just ask what he thought she just asked.

“Yes!” She lifted her head to look in his eyes, an expression of panic and pain written on her face. “I don’t want him hurt! I don’t know what I’d do-” She was surprised when he let her go and stood up, causing her to stop.

“Are you SERIOUSLY thinking about HIS safety right now?! If he’s hurt, he deserved it!!” Alvin all but roared, fury momentarily blinding him.

“Alvin, wait! That’s not it!” She said quickly, reaching for his hand and slightly hurt when he pulled it away. “How would it help? People will start asking what happened--”

“LET THEM ASK!” Normally, he’d be embarrassed by how he stomped as he said this, but embarrassment was far from his mind. “I can understand you protecting him about fucking Milla—that was his own business—but THIS!! This is different! That was sexual assault!”

“I-It was what?” Leia wiped away a tear and stared at him in confusion. “H-he didn’t do anything… down there.” This brought Alvin up short, and he stared at her for a full minute before he was even able to think.

“I-I _know_ that!” He finally said, softly but urgently. “But he still made an unwanted advance. Isn’t that, I don’t know, something you can be punished for? Like… The law or something?” He ran his hand through his hair and glanced towards Fenmont before looking back.

“I don’t think so.” Leia answered honestly, her breathing finally calmed. “Is it in Elympios?”

“YES!” He crouched down in front of her, his words leaving him in both disbelief and disgust. “You mean people can get away with—no, forget it.” He stopped, realizing he was getting off track. He still filed that away in his brain to talk to Gaius about later.

Gaius.

“Oh shit.” He grumbled, looking back at the path he had come from only moments before. “I left Gaius with him...”

“Do you think he’d hurt him…?”

“I… really don’t know.”

 

Gaius was livid, but he was listening. He knelt down next to a bloody and bruised Jude as the boy tried to explain himself. Although he didn’t feel like he deserved the chance to say his piece, he’d become friends with this group in the past year and didn’t want to ruin it by jumping the gun. He and Alvin had only walked up at the last bit of what was said… Maybe there was an explanation.

“Explain.” He said simply, crossing his arms in an awkward (and he hoped menacing) pose.

“I don’t understand...” Jude whispered, gnashing his teeth as he tried unsuccessfully to stop the blood from flowing out of his busted lip. “She never even told me what I did. I haven’t done anything to her! So I thought… I mean, she’d done something similar when we were younger...”

“You’re not making sense, Jude. Explain to me what you were thinking.”

“I couldn’t stand it. We’ve been friends for a really long time, and she’s never treated me like this before. She won’t tell me what I did, but she completely avoids me. Once, just a couple of years ago, she tried dating someone in Leronde—a guy named Evan, I think—and she didn’t talk to me for a couple days. It ended really quickly, though, when she admitted that she only dated him to make me jealous. I had laughed about it at the time, so it wasn’t a big deal. I forgave her, and she went back to talking to me. It wasn’t a big deal.” He paused to take a breath before continuing. “So I thought...”

“You thought she was using Alvin to try to make you jealous?” Gaius finished for him, his scowl growing more pronounced. “But this time was different, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, it was. She won’t even look at me—acts like I’m disgusting or something. I thought… Maybe she just got fed up with it.” Both of them were shocked when a tear fell from his swollen eye. “But I couldn’t stand that thought—losing Leia? I just… I couldn’t handle...” He was having a hard time continuing. “So, I thought… Maybe I love Leia…?” This time he was interrupted by a derisive snort.

“You don’t love Leia.” Gaius stated, standing and offering a hand to Jude, who, despite being offended and hurt by Gaius’s blunt attitude over something so confusing, accepted his hand.

“How do you know that?! We’ve always been together, Leia and me. Why else would I be so hurt by the thought of letting her go? I-… I had to try. I had to _see_ if...”

“But you didn’t feel what you felt with Milla, did you?”

“No… Wait, how do you know that I’ve kissed Milla?” Jude gave him an odd look as he pulled out a lemon gel and started munching on it.

“Not important.” Gaius waved his question away, mentally berating himself for such a stupid slip-up. He did NOT want to be caught right in the middle of this—especially when Jude found out what actually made Leia mad. It’d be awkward enough in the group without him being there to see the whole thing—or cause it. “Continue.”

“It didn’t feel the same… But I don’t understand what’s going on with me…” He whispered this, rubbing his hands together as if to warm them. “I don’t know what to do… And I thought she’d… I thought she’d be happy...”

“I told you that relationships change… I think Leia is moving on, Jude.”

“She can’t be falling for--”

“It doesn’t matter who she’s falling for.” Gaius cut him off, exasperated. He’d heard this whole rant before and wasn’t in the mood to hear it again. “It’s not your concern who she falls for.”

“Of course it is—she’s my friend!”

“But that doesn’t give you the right to make decisions for her.” He shook his head and sighed. “The point is this: Leia finally realized that you’re unavailable and now she’s coping with that. You were told to give her space, but you didn’t. Now you have to deal with the repercussions of your actions. You have to take responsibility for them.”

“But I thought--”

“Jude, it doesn’t matter what you thought!” Gaius was becoming angry at the boy’s excuses. “You did something wrong, and you know it. You saw the reaction that she had—you caused that! Now you have to be a man and take responsibility for your actions!”

This statement was met by several minutes of silence as the two started walking in the direction of the inn, Gaius waiting for his message and sink in and Jude feeling guilty and confused and oddly persecuted. He knew that Gaius was right, but… It’s not like he had the _intention_ of hurting Leia—he never wanted to hurt her! He thought that was what she wanted…

“I’ll try...” Was the only response he could think to say when they finally walked into the inn. “I… I didn’t want to hurt her… But I never should have forced her… to do anything… I’ll try to fix it.”

“No, you need to wait for her.” Gaius grabbed his arm and pulled him around to look at him. “You didn’t wait for her this time and this is the outcome. Next time, you HAVE to wait until she’s ready to talk to you. If you don’t, you could seriously lose her friendship forever. You have a slim chance of making it right now, but if you ignore my warning, you won’t have a chance at all.”

Knowing that the king was right didn’t help the wave of—what was it? Panic? Sadness? Unfairness?—that washed over him, but after a minute, he nodded. He had no choice, did he? He had to wait for her or lose her forever…

 

“Do you still love him?” Alvin asked quietly after Leia had calmed down enough to speak to him again. She had been fretting for a while about whether or not Jude was okay, and he couldn’t handle it anymore. He was trying to be patient with her because she had just went through something traumatic, but he was at his patience’s end.

“No.” Leia immediately answered, staring ahead blankly.

“That was too fast of an answer.” He replied, crossing his arms. “I want you to really think about it and tell me now: do you still love him? Because I can’t… I can’t help you if you run straight back to him. All of this will mean nothing if you do that. So I need to know.”

_Plus, I can’t stand the thought of it. I can’t stand the thought of you loving him—I can’t stand the thought of you loving anyone who’d treat you like that…_

“...I don’t know.” She answered honestly. “But I do know this: I don’t want to be with him.” Both she and Alvin were surprised by this admission. “I always thought that I did, but… Now I think… I think I’ve come to terms with the fact that he’s taken. Plus... I’m a little afraid of him. I never expected that he’d do something like what he did today. I never thought he was that kind of person...”

“Desperation can make people do stupid things...” Alvin ground out, sickened by the fact that he was, in a way, taking up for Jude. “But that doesn’t mean you should pardon them.” He added quickly, certainly not wanting Leia to think that he was wanting her to forgive him right away or to be with him. “I don’t want this to tear everyone apart, but I don’t want you to feel obligated to forgive him either. You should seriously think it through. He was stupid, and when you’re ready, you should make sure to tell him that.” He got a laugh out of her with that.

“Yeah… And maybe the fear will go away after a little bit of time, but… It certainly doesn’t feel like it right now.”

“I bet not. It’s fresh in your mind.” He replied, taking her hand and leading her back towards the town. “But the good thing is, you don’t have to rush it. Stick with me, and I’ll make sure he doesn’t bother you again until you’re ready to deal with him.”

“...Thank you.” Leia mumbled, staring at their hands in wonder at the comfort and warmth that such a simple thing could bring. “I… I’m so glad that you’re here, Alvin...”

A small smile formed on Alvin’s lips and he basked in the emotions that were both choking him and healing him. This young woman may be the death of him, but the pleasure shooting through his veins at knowing that he’d helped… made that okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I worked hard to get this out as soon as I could. Thank you to the people that commented, it made me want to give this to you as soon as I could. I hope I stayed in character--I'm not really sure. This is becoming a bit outside the norm, game-wise, so it's gonna get harder to tell... Mwah! Hope y'all like it!! <3


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fucker was hard as hell to write without many spoilers.... But I felt that the few that I did give were incredibly important to the characters and story. Sorry it took so long to update--OMG, it's after midnight... I'm going to hate myself in the morning... But here you are! Hope you like it!

 

Leia stared at the paper in her hands, unable to write a single word. It had been an entire month since she and her friends had saved the world (again), and another two weeks still since she’d talked to Jude. None of them had ever expected what they would have to sacrifice for their goal—no one could believe it now.

 

A dear friend was gone.

 

And now her boss wanted her to write about it. How would a person write about something like that—how COULD they? Especially so soon… And when she had cared so much about that person…

 

Her friends had all had their own ways to cope—Elize with her pen pal and friends at school, Rowan with his new “everything-but-name” girlfriend, Jude with his research and, she assumed, girlfriend, Alvin with his work… The list went on and on. But Leia… Leia felt stuck. She hadn’t been able to write a single word since it had happened.

 

Sighing, Leia set her pen down and pulled out her GHS.

 

No Messages.

 

In the entire time she’d been back to work, she hadn’t received a single, lousy text. She was glad that everyone was doing okay, but she was also angry. Why did they just stop talking? Were they only friends because of a mission? Did that mean, because the mission was accomplished, that they weren’t friends anymore?

 

_Is that all Alvin thought of me too?_

 

With a frustrated groan, Leia snapped the GHS closed and stood. She couldn’t handle thinking about any of it for one more moment—she could already feel a migraine coming on. Grabbing her bag and throwing her hair up in a quick ponytail, she left the office, trying to ignore her boss’s disapproving glare. She knew he was unhappy with her. She didn’t care.

 

By the time she left the building, she was surprised at how dizzy she was. It took her several minutes to figure out what was wrong, and when she did, she laughed out loud. How could a former nurse forget to eat? How many times had she done that lately…? She couldn’t even remember.

 

_I’m getting so pathetic… It’s times like this that I’m glad no one’s around to see me…_

 

She could picture their reactions: Jude’s exasperated concern, Alvin’s grin and stupid jokes, Elize’s over-the-top worry, Rowan’s gentle reproach, Muzet’s laughter, and Gaius’s raised brow.

 

Great Spirits, she missed them. She missed them all so badly she couldn’t stand it.

 

Quickly wiping the tears that had fallen off of her face, Leia rushed into the nearest restaurant before she really broke down. Even though she missed them, she didn’t want to bring them down with her own issues.

 

She told herself that, but she also wondered if it was pride. If maybe… She didn’t want to be the first to break down and call. But she sure wished they’d call HER… Even one text—she’d settle for that.

 

She checked her phone again—No Messages. With a sigh, she set down the gadget and picked up a menu. Even though she couldn’t concentrate enough to see the words, it gave her hands something to do.

 

When she had gotten home the night that they’d won—if she could really call it that—she had broken down. She didn’t even make it to her room. As soon as her door shut, she had slid down and burst into tears. She was pretty sure all of her neighbors had heard her sobs (especially the way they had been staring at her the following day), but she couldn’t bring herself to care. It hadn’t felt like a victory—it still didn’t.

 

A phone going off interrupted Leia’s thoughts and she almost fell out of her seat in her haste to snatch up her GHS.

 

No Messages.

 

It hadn’t been her phone.

 

She looked up and watched as an old man fumbled with his own phone—it was his daughter. Apparently, his granddaughter had went into labor.

 

_Not interested._

 

Picking up the menu that she had dropped, Leia went back to staring uncomprehendingly at the letters on the page. Distant chatter started to fill her ears as others around her talked to their friends and family. Someone had a job offer. Another had a test coming up. An old couple even compared their age spots (apparently they thought one particular spot looked like a small map of Hamil or something).

 

_Not interested._

 

“Hello, my name is Ethan, and I’ll be your waiter this afternoon. Do you know what you’d like to drink?” A new voice drew her out of her reverie.

 

The young man in front of her was near her age. He was cute, with freckles dotting his nose, blue eyes, and a dimple on his left cheek as he smiled at her. If she had been anyone else, she may have been excited to get the ‘handsome’ waiter.

 

“Ma’am?”

 

But she wasn’t someone else. And she wasn’t interested.

 

Snapping the menu shut, Leia sighed and shook her head. She couldn’t do this…

 

“I’m sorry...” She said quietly, placing the laminated booklet on the table and gathering her things.

 

“M-Ma’am?” The young man tried again, startled when she rose.

 

“Not hungry.” She mumbled as she pushed past him. Feeling a little guilty, she pushed 5 gald into his hand before turning and walking out the door.

 

 

 

Jude sighed and rubbed his face for the third time in the last ten minutes. He hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before, and his work wasn’t progressing at all. No matter what he did, he couldn’t seem to figure out the spyrite technology. He could summon them, but he was still having trouble with control. He didn’t want to bend them to his will, but he couldn’t let them go berserk either. Every time he changed his formulas or tweaked the machine, it only seemed to make the matter worse. Still, he couldn’t stop—people needed his help.

 

Plus, if he stopped, he’d think, and that was definitely something he didn’t want to do.

 

He didn’t want to think about Ludger, suffering in his new office, knowing that there was nothing he could have done. Even worse, knowing that someday things would be good but never knowing when—this year? Next year? Five years from now? It was no wonder Ludger was burning the candle at both ends.

 

Jude hadn’t heard from Elize or Rowan either, other than to know that they’d returned to their every day lives. He had seen Gaius a couple of times, but it had been all business—no chit chat necessary. That was fine, though. As long as he didn’t mention anything about… Her.

 

Milla.  
  
Jude pulled his hair and groaned in both frustration and pain as his mind supplied him with her name. He had been trying so hard not to think about her… And he’d been doing well. In the past hour or so, at least.

 

“Jude?” A soft voice said from behind him, making him turn around.

 

“Yes, Mary?” He forced a smile.

 

“Maybe you should go home and rest. You have bags under your eyes.” She looked away from him and pushed a strand of dark hair behind her ear, trying to ignore the blush that always seemed to appear on her face when he looked at her.

 

In truth, he’d looked terrible for a whole month (not that she minded any). She knew that he wasn’t sleeping properly, and she suspected his diet wasn’t exactly healthy either. In face, he had been at the lab before her that morning and hadn’t eaten anything since then—that was 14 hours ago.

 

“I’m fine.” He snapped, turning away from her to stare at his page of formulas again. Rethinking his hostile attitude, he stood and walked to his chair, letting out a loud sigh. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to say it like that.”

 

“Are you thinking about… what happened at the Land Of Canaan?” She asked, pulling her own chair close to him. When he glanced up at her, startled, her blush reappeared. “I heard from Gaius last time he was here. He was worried about you.”

 

“I’m fine.” He said a second time, but his expression betrayed him.

 

He was certainly NOT fine. In fact, he felt like _shit—_ especially since he HADN’T been thinking about that. He hadn’t been struggling over the death—he’d been thinking about his girlfriend.

 

_Ex-girlfriend._ He mentally corrected.

 

He had been thinking about the face that she had dumped him and then left—again.

 

“Jude?”

 

“Sorry, Mary. I just… I’m having a tough day, that’s all. I’ll be fine tomorrow.” He chuckled softly, an entirely fake and forced laugh, and hoped beyond hope that she believed him and would let the subject drop. He hoped in vain.

 

“I’m not...” Mary’s voice broke in frustration. She cleared her throat and tried again. “I’m not _stupid_ , Doctor Mathis.” She reverted to his official title, which was not a good sign for her. They had been getting closer—she hadn’t called him that in a long time. As she turned to leave, Jude stopped her.

 

“I’m sorry!” He cried in alarm. “I-I didn’t mean to imply...” He put his hands over his face and groaned again. “Why? Why do I always end up hurting people? I don’t MEAN to hurt anyone...”

 

“Why won’t you just talk to me? Am I not trustworthy?” She knew it sounded childish to say it, but she couldn’t help it.

 

“I was _dumped._ ” Jude burst out, unable to contain it any longer. At least he knew she’d listen to him… “I’m not the good person that you think I am! And the fact that I wasn’t thinking about the things I SHOULD be thinking about makes me feel even _worse_!”

 

“If you were such a terrible person, it wouldn’t make you feel bad to think only of yourself.” Mary pointed out, returning to her seat. “But I’m sorry I pointed that out… I didn’t mean to make things harder on you.”

 

“It’s not your fault...” He sighed, his shoulders slumping.

 

“...What happened with Milla?” She asked hesitantly, praying that she didn’t sound too happy.

 

Mary had liked Jude since he’d begun working with her almost two years before. She had given up hope when she’d seen him with the beautiful blond woman, Milla. Truly, she figured once they got together, that was it for her chances.

 

“How did you know that I was dating Milla?”

 

That made Mary laugh out loud. “You weren’t exactly subtle. I found you making out in the lab at least twice!” She declared, giggling at his expression but also trying not to remember the incidents too clearly. After all, it had been a painful thing to discover.

 

“R-really?” He blushed an impressive shade of crimson as he remembered that Mary was not the first person to mention his lack of subtlety. “Well, I’m s-sorry about that. I didn’t know that anyone else knew about us...”

 

“Well...” She almost said ‘it’s okay’ but decided against it. Why lie? “Anyway… what happened?” She watched his mood darken again.

 

“We accomplished our mission.” He said simply. “I thought she’d stay—or at least keep in contact—but… After we got home and...” He stopped, mentally censoring the _first_ part of what happened when they arrived home. “And settled,” he continued, “She just… She said, ‘it’s been fun.’”

 

“It’s been _fun_?!” Mary repeated, appalled. “That’s it?!”

 

“Yeah. I mean, she said she’d miss me, but… But that it was better if I just moved on. I asked if I’d see her again… But she wouldn’t answer. She just smiled at me and left.”

 

“That’s… so cruel...”

 

“She doesn’t mean to be.” Even though he was hurt, he still tried to take up for Milla. “It’s out of necessity. She had to go—I knew that before we even… But I guess I forgot. Or maybe I believed that we could change it, if we sorted out the issue with Origin...” He paused, knowing the next words out of his mouth would hurt him more than the rest of his story. “I think that’s one of the main reasons I started doing this research. I thought if I could fix the mana problem… She’d stay.”

 

“So… It wasn’t to help people?”

 

“No, it was!” Jude amended quickly, afraid of Mary leaving before hearing the rest of what he had to say. “It was, but… I also hoped that by helping others with the lack of mana, that I could help her too. That I could...” He couldn’t find the words to continue.

 

He had hoped she could remake her body—like she had when the trouble with Origin and Chronos had started. He had thought… that maybe she’d want to keep and be with him. It was selfish, he knew, but… He had hoped anyway. After all, it couldn’t be considered selfish if he had fixed the problem first, could it?

 

But he hadn’t. It seemed like every turn he took, every formula he made, ever option he took… had failed. And now… Now he had to face the truth.

 

Milla would never stay with him. Maybe she loved him—maybe she didn’t—but it didn’t matter. She wasn’t human like him. Not anymore. She had a larger role to play.

 

But Jude? He was just a scientist. Just a doctor.

 

_Just a human._

 

All his hard work, all his accomplishments… They didn’t mean anything when compared to the Great Spirits. He would never be enough. Even if he perfected Spyrite technology, it wouldn’t matter—not where Milla was concerned.

 

He had been fooling himself.

 

Mary watched his self revelation in silence, struggling not to cry with him as tears ran down his face. She really liked Jude… She didn’t want this for him.

 

_So how can I help him?_

 

 

 

Leia woke up in the middle of the night feeling numb. She could barely remember her walk home, but she must have went straight to bed.

 

Reaching over to her nightstand, she grabbed her GHS and looked at the screen.

 

3:23 AM.

 

And No Messages.

 

Rolling her eyes in disgust, she climbed out of bed. She ached all over and her muscles felt like lead, but she couldn’t stand lying in bed anymore. She had gotten a few hours of sleep—good enough. Slipping on a pair of yoga pants and a tank top as she headed towards the door, she wondered what exactly she could do at this time of night—the whole city pretty much shut down by midnight. She finally decided on a run as she exited her apartment complex.

 

Ignoring her muscles protests, she took off at a fast jog, trying to outrun the thoughts racing in her head.

 

She was lonely—terribly, horrifyingly lonely. When she was younger, her mom and dad would always be there, but she was in a different city now—in a different world. She briefly wondered if she should go home but quickly dismissed the idea. She’d never live down the shame of coming home as… Nothing. She had been through so much… She couldn’t bear to go back anything but proud.

 

Perhaps that was her problem—pride. It’s why she hadn’t confronted Jude, she realized. Her pride had been shattered whens he’d seen him with Milla—especially since she had thought that her rival was gone.

 

Was pride the reason she couldn’t eat or sleep anymore? Was it the reason she wasn’t interested in her job? Was it the reason she couldn’t bear to be the first to call her friends?

 

That just… didn’t seem quite right. It was true that some of the problems she was dealing with started with pride, but she didn’t think it was to blame for everything. There was an unnamed _something_ that was affecting her—that was drowning her. She didn’t know what it was, but it made even breathing painful.

 

It made her stomach feel like it was full of lukewarm water when she went to eat—sapped away her hunger and her will. It made her choke on her own words, her mouth going dry and cottony, when she tried to speak. It made her heart pound unnaturally, waking her up at night. Come to think of it, what the ‘unnamed something’ was, it was even starting to make her forget things—like how she got home, or how she spent her day, or what she wanted to do each evening.

 

She felt like… She no longer knew who Leia was. What had started on month ago as sadness and loneliness and regret had morphed into something truly terrifying… And she was too… afraid to ask for help.

 

Leia stopped running, surprised at that thought. But it was true, wasn’t it?

 

She was _afraid._

 

How could she ask for help again? Alvin must be positively SICK of helping her at this point. Gaius was too busy with his work, Elize would stop talking to her for being so stupid, and Rowan… He must think of her as a spoiled child. And Jude? Jude was too busy with Milla to even realize that she was struggling.

 

That she was suffocating.

 

Leia didn’t realize that she was hyperventilating; she just realized that she was suddenly very dizzy and her heart was pounding in that off-beat way again.

 

She had no one to go to anymore. She was so weak and pathetic that no one wanted her anymore. That was why no one called or texted. It was all starting to make sense…

 

Her vision was starting to darken at the corners and a slight hum was in her ears. Sobbing, her knees gave out and she fell on her bottom, her arms shooting behind her to hold her up—she didn’t even feel any of it. In fact, she was so preoccupied with her mental breakdown that she hadn’t even realized that she fell. She didn’t think much about it as she allowed herself to lay back and stare at the sky.

 

Her parents would be so disappointed to see her like this… She didn’t know what was worse, her parents’ shame or Alvin’s disdain.

 

Was he with someone right now? By now, he probably had a girlfriend of his own. Would he touch her with the same love and awe that she had seen in Jude as he touched Milla? Would this unknown woman bring him the same pleasure?

 

_What do you think of Alvin?_

 

Leia remembered Rowan asking that question as she gaped up at the sky, trying in vain to catch her breath—trying in vain to re-numb her heart like it had been when she’d woken up. What did she think of Alvin? The question was repeating itself, sending waves of pain through her body every time it did.

 

_Don’t… Don’t be with another woman. Don’t touch her. Don’t touch her like that. I don’t want you to…_

 

With these final thoughts, Leia’s mind shut down. The stress on her body from lack of food and proper sleep coupled with extreme anxiety was too much.

 

Leia blacked out in the middle of the street, without anyone awake to even notice.

 

 

 

It was 5:30 in the morning. Alvin had just went to sleep an hour before, so there was _no way_ he had set an alarm for this hour… So what the hell was going off?

 

With a sleepy moan, he rolled over and grabbed his phone, which had been ringing almost constantly for about five minutes.

 

“What the _FUCK_ do you want?” He answered, not bothering to check the caller ID. His words slurred together and held virtually no bite, regardless of what he said.

 

“Leia is in Trigleph Central Hospital.” Gaius’s no-nonsense voice cut through his stupor faster than ice water. “I thought you’d want to know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've never had depression and anxiety with full-blown panic attacks... Leia's POV is exactly what it feels like. I feel like this is super important to her character development. She has to learn to deal with the death of someone really close to her. Also, I know people may not like the direction I'm heading with Jude, but I honestly don't think that he and Milla would last. We'll see if they get back together--I dunno yet. I'm too tired to think about it.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really sorry this took so long! Also, I do NOT write sexy stuff--my face feels like it's on fire. It's such a personal thing to write... But, here we are. XD Hope you like it.

Chapter 11

 

Jude knew his phone was ringing, but he was too preoccupied to care. He had a beautiful woman under him and a whole night to push away any pain or loneliness that lingered from his breakup. He didn’t even care that his neighbors would most definitely hear by how things were… escalating.

 

In the back of his mind, he wondered if he would hurt Milla by doing this… But he ignored that thought. She had dumped HIM—and callously. He doubted that she would even care.

 

Mary’s breathy moan dragged him back to the task at hand, and he couldn’t stop the sound that escaped his own throat at listening to her. Never taking his eyes off of her naked body in front of him, he fumbled with his own pants, his sweaty fingers slipping on the button. Mary sat up and helped him remove what remained of his clothes before he grabbed a condom from the small table next to his bed.

 

He tried to ignore his jumbled emotions as he put the condom on and leaned forward to kiss her. He was excited and incredibly turned on, but he also felt guilt and a strange sense of dread. Was this wrong…?

 

Luckily for him, the sensation he felt when he entered her completely obliterated any rational thought. He was completely taken in by her gasps and moans, and he met each of them with one of his own. He didn’t know how long they were at it, but when he finally finished, he was spent. He was so tired, in fact, that he almost fell right to sleep after cleaning up. He certainly would have if his phone hadn’t rang again. Groaning, he reached over and grabbed it.

 

“Yeah?” He answered groggily on the third ring, not bothering to check the number.

 

“Mr. Jude Mathis?” An unfamiliar female voice asked.

 

“Yeah? That’s me. Who is this?”

 

“This is Amy Burg from Trigleph Central Hospital,” she started, and Jude sat up so quickly that he almost fell out of the bed. “I have down that you are Leia Rolando’s emergency contact. Is that correct?”

 

“Yes. Is she okay?” He tried to keep the panic from his voice, but Mary noticed and sat up next to him, a worried expression on her face.

 

“She was taken here by ambulance about an hour ago. I’ve been trying to contact you. She is in stable condition, but she has some paperwork that needs to be filled out...”

 

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes!” He said breathlessly, jumping out of bed and grabbing his clothes. He hung up before the woman had a chance to say anything else and immediately dialed Rowen’s number while he dressed.

 

“Jude? Isn’t it a bit early…?” Rowen sounded wide awake when he answered. “Is everything all right?”

 

“Leia is in the hospital—I don’t know the details, but can you call everyone and let them know? I’m heading there now.” He explained in a rush, already slipping on his shoes.

 

“Oh no!” Rowen exclaimed, sounding more distressed than he normally allowed himself. “Is the young miss okay?!”

 

“I don’t know. Like I said, I don’t have the details. I’ll let you know more when I can. She’s at Trigleph Central. I’m heading out now—I’ll talk to you later.”

 

 

When Leia woke up, she felt strangely disconnected. As far as health goes, she felt fantastic—which was strange considering she couldn’t remember what she had been doing last… And the fact that she didn’t know where she was—but as far as emotions… Hadn’t she been upset over something? Jude, right? And friends? She couldn’t feel any connection to those people at all…

 

Looking around, she saw Jude slumped over in a chair by the door, sleeping. She was definitely in the hospital, and they must have called him.

 

_Huh. I don’t feel sad or angry, even though he’s here… Is that normal?_

 

Shaking her head, Leia sat up and rubbed her eyes. Where was everyone else? How did she get here? What happened? There were a lot of questions and very little answers. She wondered for a second if she should wake Jude up, but right as she thought it, he saved her from having to do anything by opening his eyes.

 

“Leia!” He shot to his feet and ran to her side, grabbing her hand. “Are you okay?!”

 

“I… I think so.” She replied honestly. “I don’t even feel tired right now… What happened?”

 

“Apparently, you had a panic attack.” Another voice came from the doorway, and the two looked up to see Gaius striding into the room. “It must have been a pretty significant one, by the way the doctors were acting. I think it did something to your heart. They said that you shouldn’t have any negative affects, but it may take a little bit for things to feel normal again.” He gently pushed Jude out of his way and knelt down next to her. “How do you _feel_?”

 

“I feel… weird.” She turned to him, taking a moment to really pay attention to her own body—did she feel okay? “I feel like… Like I don’t care about stuff that’s important to me… It’s… kind of scary. Why don’t I care?”

 

“That’s normal.” He nodded, as if agreeing with himself. “It’ll pass. In a few minutes, your brain should right itself enough to feel normal again.”

 

With a sigh of relief, Leia nodded. “Where’s Alvin?” She asked, not even bothering to hide from Jude that she wanted to see him.

 

“He’s in the other room. Would you like me to get him?” Gaius responded, standing up straight and turning to the door. “He’s been really worried, you know. You’ll probably get a lecture, at the very least. Especially since you haven’t been answering his calls.”

 

“...Haven’t been...” Leia repeated, tilting her head to the side in utter confusion. “What are you talking about? I haven’t gotten a single call or text from any of you since we… since we came back home.”

 

“I’ve texted you twice.” He informed her, offended at the implication that he hadn’t said anything.

 

“I… haven’t received anything.” She whispered, surprised when she felt tears well up in her eyes. “I want to talk to him. Please, let me talk to him.” She sniffled as she watched Gaius head towards the door without a second glance.

 

“Leia...” Jude drew her attention back to him. He didn’t say anything else, but she could see the disapproval on his face. She ignored it. Instead, she noticed the dark bruise on his neck—noticed but didn’t say anything. She refused to think about that right then. Right then, she just wanted to talk to Alvin.

 

After only a minute or so, Alvin came running full-speed through the door and practically tackled Leia with a hug. Pressing his face into her neck, he hissed, “What the _hell,_ Leia! I haven’t heard anything form you all month! You haven’t answered calls or texts! I even sent you that Spirit-be-damned frog emoji. Why haven’t you answered?! And what the hell happened?!”

 

Leia wasn’t sure which happened first, the crying or the laughing. Relief and sadness battled each other as she processed what he said—Alvin hated using emojis…

 

“I never...” She hiccoughed, unable to continue for a full minute or so as she tried to quell the sobs. “I never received… anything...”

 

As she tried to calm herself, Alvin reached over to the table holding her phone and started pressing buttons. After a couple of minutes, he groaned and slapped his forehead before hugging her again.

 

“Leave it to you to forget to refill your minutes...” He muttered against her neck, causing goosebumps to creep up her arms and a blush to cover her face.

 

“I… I didn’t?”

 

“No, you didn’t.” He backed away and showed her the phone, causing her to laugh again through her tears.

 

“So you guys… You didn’t forget about me…” She breathed in relief, placing her hand over her heart. “I’m glad...”

 

“Leia.” Alvin grabbed her chin and made her face him, his face grim. “Do you hear the idiocy you’re spewin’ right now? How the hell would I forget you? It hasn’t even been that long! You should have a bit more faith in us—and you should _damn_ well make sure you have minutes!”

 

“I’m sorry.” She grinned so wide that she thought her face might split. How long had it been since she smiled? How long had it been since the suffocating feeling in her chest had went away. Even though she still felt like bawling, it was out of relief and not fear.

 

“I think...” Jude started before clearing his throat and trying again. “I think they’ll let you check out soon… I filled out all the information for you, so there shouldn’t be much keeping you here...”

 

Leia hesitated, not sure she wanted to say anything to Jude before finally murmuring, “thank you.” She watched him look down, obviously understanding the closed expression on her face when turning to him. It made her feel bad. He deserved it, she believed, but she still didn’t like feeling like she hurt him, so she continued. “I appreciate you being here for me. Did you call everyone to let them know?”

 

“I called Rowen.” He whispered, his voice breaking. He cleared his throat a second time before continuing. “He called everyone else. I… I was rushing here...”

 

“Jude… Really, thank you.” She offered him a small smile and he accepted it, matching it with one of his own.

 

Neither knew what else to say, so he excused himself saying, “I’ll see if they’ll let you leave yet.”

 

Everything seemed to happen quickly after that. Within the hour, Leia was checked out with her things and heading back to her apartment with her friends in tow. She allowed Alvin to have her phone so he could refill her phone—he even set it up to auto-pay, so she wouldn’t have that sort of issue again.

 

When it had turned back on, she saw that she had 36 messages and 14 missed phone calls.

 

She would check each one of them later. For that moment, all of her friends were crammed into her little apartment enjoying each other’s company. Even though everyone was tired, she allowed herself to be selfish for just a bit and wallow in the attention. In the end, Alvin, Jude, and Muzet stayed at her house to sleep while the others went about their business.

 

Gaius was the first to leave, walking over to Leia and putting his hand on top of her head. He patted awkwardly and smiled at her for about 3 seconds, something that seemed very forced but was very much appreciated. He then waved at her and walked out the door, beckoning to Rowen for him to follow. Rowen chuckled softly before bowing to her and assuring her that he would be just a call away. After giving her hand a kiss, he left as well.

 

Elize stayed for another hour before she had to leave as well. She informed Leia that she would be on a school trip for a few days, but that she could text at any point in time and Elize would be thrilled to answer. Ludger smiled at Leia before following Elize out, not wanting her to travel back home alone.

 

Finally, Jude went to sleep on the floor and Muzet took the couch in the living room. Alvin and Leia were the only ones awake…

 

“Are you feeling better now?” Alvin asked, leaning against her bedroom door sleepily as she sat in bed. He pushed his hair out of his eyes and let out a huge yawn before allowing his head to fall back against the door with a thump.

 

“Yeah, I feel normal now. It was a little scary at first. I felt like I wasn’t attached to anyone anymore. I thought maybe it’d stay like that… But it didn’t. And I’m glad. Sure, I don’t get along with everyone, but… I like things this way.”

 

“I know what you mean. Even though _some of us_ ,” he glared at Jude’s sleeping figure before continuing, “are assholes, it’d be sad if the connection was severed. We’ve been through a whole lotta hell together—we’re a pack, you know?”

 

“I was… I was most worried that I… wouldn’t feel the same about you.” She whispered, almost immediately regretting what she had just said. She felt like her face would set on fire if she blushed any more than she was, but… she was just being honest.

 

Alvin stared at her for several minutes, his gaze intense and somehow… dark. Almost forbidden. Leia tried to calm her heart and hormones, but she found it almost impossible with him looking at her like that… When he finally answered, even his voice sounded strange—deeper and rougher than it normally was…

 

“You shouldn’t say things like that to me, Leia...” He practically growled, turning to face the living room instead of looking into her bedroom. “I may get the wrong idea.”

 

“And what would you do…? If you got the wrong idea?” She asked in a breathy whisper, unconsciously closing her legs against the strange warmth spreading down from her lower stomach. She heard his breath catch and waited for his response, both terrified and excited to see what his reaction would be.

 

The silence in the air was palpable as he turned back to stare at her. After a full two minutes, Alvin slowly stood up and pulled the door shut, effectively trapping her in the bedroom with him. She could feel her heart in her throat as he made agonizingly slow steps toward her, never breaking eye contact. She’d never seen him with such an expression before; he looked almost feral—like a beast cornering its prey. When he reached her, he partially climbed on the bed—one knee resting in front of her and his hand a little further up, like a large cat stalking… With a gentleness that surprised her (given his expression), he cupped her face in his right hand and pulled her so close they were nearly touching. She could feel his breath on her lips, and it felt like electric just being so near.

 

“You’re playing with fire, kid.” He started to lean in and Leia closed her eyes in preparation for a kiss… But he turned at the last second to whisper in her ear. “Don’t tempt me.” His cheek brushed against hers as he started to pull away, his beard both tickling and scratching her.

 

Without stopping to think, she linked her arms around his neck and pulled him back, touching their lips, careful this time not to hurt either of them but also not leaving him room to dodge it. She expected him to stop her, but he didn’t. Instead, he pushed her against the bed and kissed her like she’d never been kissed before. Opening her mouth slightly, she felt his tongue tracing hers and she let him, responding in kind.

 

Leia felt more than heard Alvin moan against her lips, and it did something strange to her body. The warmth was becoming a fire, and she didn’t know how to control it. Her body was moving against him on its own, and she could feel… HIM. Apparently she wasn’t the only one excited… But she wasn’t sure which would win over—pleasure, excitement, or absolute terror. Everything was happening so quickly! But… But she wanted more. She wanted to take this all the way, despite the panic constricting her heart.

 

With another groan, Alvin released her lips and started kissing her neck, causing her to buck against him. That was… not a reaction she expected ( _what does one’s neck have to do with… down there?_ ). When she tried to grab his pants, though, he shoved away from her with a gasp, breaking the link of her arms and jumping off of the bed.

 

“A-Alvin?” Leia croaked, blushing at the sound of her own voice. She cleared her throat and almost tried to speak again, but Alvin cut her off.

 

“Sleep.” He ground out, taking a step back. “We both need sleep. I-I’m not thinking straight.” He whirled around to check the door, only to find it closed.

 

_Thank the spirits for small miracles… I closed it…_

 

“I… I don’t want sleep.”

 

“I do.” He responded, walking back to the door. “I need sleep… This was… I can’t be doing this sort of thing—not with you.”

 

“Not with _me_?” The hurt in her voice made him double take. She willed the tears in her eyes to dry, though—she was not going to cry in front of him again… Not after what had just happened—she didn’t want to be that girl that had a million and one emotions when it came to sex (even if she was secretly that girl, apparently).

 

“I’ve mentioned to you before, Leia… You’re so young. I-I can’t do this.”

 

“Don’t I get a say in this?” She protested, still to shell shocked to get out of bed, but she did sit up. “I’m an adult, you know. I’m not a little kid, and I know what I want.”

 

“You are not an adult.” He snapped, rubbing his hand over his eyes and willing his own body to cooperate with him. The lust-filled haze had yet to subside, and the only thing he wanted to do right then was…

 

Leia saw this as a challenge. She could still see the look in his eyes that begged for what they were just doing. She didn’t know the extent of his feelings—and maybe he only wanted sex—but… Well, if she got her feelings hurt, it would be her own fault. At that moment, her mind was made up. Willing the embarrassment and fear down, she grabbed her shirt and yanked it over her head, exposing her bra (which she really wished had been sexy and not cute… White lace was nice, but the little kitties dotted over the material was probably not the best choice for this situation—damn hindsight!) His reaction was immediate.

 

Seizing her arms and holding them down to her side with wide eyes, he tried not to look. Honestly, he tried, but…

 

_No, focus!_

 

“Leia, don’t you realize?! I would _hurt_ you!” He hissed, letting go of one of her arms to yank her shirt away and attempt to force it back on her _stubborn_ head. “A-a girl… You ARE young! I’m not—t-think of it as… You’re not full grown, you know?” He felt like his face would literally catch fire—was he really trying to explain this? Did Reize Maxia not have sex ed or something?!

 

“Alvin, I am a woman. I know how sex works.” She tried to retrieve her shirt from him to no avail. He was still trying to force the damn thing back over her head.

 

So she bit him.

 

_Asshole thinks he can control me or something!_

 

Oh. He was kissing her again. Why did he respond like…?

 

_Oh. I suppose that must be… similar to the neck thing, huh?_

 

Whatever it was, she was going to argue against it. It felt like he wasn’t just kissing her, he was claiming her. He was moving against her, even. After a few moments, she reached from his pants again… And got the same reaction as before. He immediately stilled his lips and pulled away from her. Holding her arms down, he kissed her once more before standing back up and backing away.

 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. Good night.” With those short words, he literally ran from the room and into the bathroom. Right after the door shut, she heard the lock click into place.

 

This time, she did cry. What was that? Why would he kiss her like that and then run? Why didn’t he want her? But mostly… She cried because the fire in her belly was NOT gone, and she didn’t know how to fix it. She was frustrated, both sexually and emotionally.

 

_Damn, stubborn, impossible ASSHOLE!_

 


	12. Chapter 12

Alvin stared at his reflection in the mirror, willing himself to stay where he was. He could _not_ go back into the living room because it was too close to her room, and he had almost lost his self control twice already.

 

_I wouldn’t survive another round…_ He thought before shaking his head in a combination of shock and horror.

 

That had _not_ been his intention. After a full month to himself, he had thought he could handle being around her. Talking to her had been his goal— **just** talking. Sure, he had went too far, but… It was supposed to scare her away.

 

_Well. That didn’t go as I planned…_ He thought dryly before chuckling. It really wasn’t a laughing matter, but he didn’t know how to respond. Plus, he’d gotten an answer to a question he hadn’t had the nerve to even ask— _does she want me too?_

 

It didn’t mean that she felt the same way he did—he didn’t dare to think that she did (and he certainly knew better than to hope for such a thing)--but… It was both comforting and disconcerting to know that she did, in fact, want him (and that it wasn’t in response to Jude). He was excited but appalled. Why the hell would she want him, of all people?!

 

_I helped her._ His brain helpfully supplied. His fear scoffed at that, though.

 

_Helped her? I’ve talked to her a few times—surely I’m not dumb enough to believe that would make up for the bullet I put_ _in her back_ _._

 

That thought and subsequent picture fixed his ‘lower parts’ problem pretty quickly. He felt like he had ice suddenly running through his veins—the same way he always felt when he remembered that day. He even watched the blood leave his own face through his reflection.

 

_I’ve become to_ _o_ _relaxed around her. I almost killed her—even if I didn’t mean to. I didn’t mean to let Presa fall either, but that doesn’t make her any less dead._

 

He contemplated that for a long time, his inner dialogue becoming more and more damning as it went on. He needed a reminder for himself, and possibly for her, of just what he had done.

 

After about an hour, he left the bathroom and then the apartment. Leia’s door was still shut as he snuck out, much to his relief. He prayed that she would forgive his insolence for kissing her. What she was asking of him… She didn’t understand. Because of that, he would have to have self control for the both of them.

 

And he’d have to remind her who he was and what he had done.

 

* * *

 

Jude silently fumed as he listened to Alvin leave the apartment.

 

_I’m sure he thinks no one will know what he just did. Is he stupid?! I was laying_ _**right here!** _ _Did he really think I’d sleep through that?!_

 

Now, it was true that Jude hadn’t actually seen what had happened, but he had heard muffled moans and watched as Alvin quickly went to the bathroom—to clean up, he assumed. And then, to make matters infinitely worse, he _left_! He practically ran out of the apartment!

 

If Jude were thinking logically or rationally, he’d wonder why Alvin was fully clothed when he’d left Leia’s room, and why he’d spent so long in the bathroom afterwards—but he wasn’t. His mind was already made up as to what happened.

 

And when he heard Leia sob…

 

He was out for blood.

 

* * *

 

Leia woke up the next morning feeling dreary and exhausted. Her eyes felt swollen and her throat was sore—had she really cried that much? She felt a little silly now. Being rejected hurt, but… Had she honestly cried that much over not getting sex?

 

_Still, I’m not an unattractive girl… Am I? Do I stink?_

 

She sat up and sniffed under her arms—she smelled like deodorant. That couldn’t be it, then… Unless he didn’t like the deodorant. If that was the case, she could always switch the brand that she used…

 

_Or maybe it was the damn kitty bra. I guess it’s a good thing he didn’t see the matching panties… I’ll have to go buy_ _different underwear…_

 

With a sigh, she threw back her covers and climbed out of bed. She quickly checked her legs—there was stubble there. Maybe he didn’t like girls who didn’t shave every day? Should she wax?

 

_No, I’d have to grow it out before I could wax it… That’d take too long. And I’d be gross while waiting._

 

Still lost in her own mind, she grabbed some clean clothes and opened her door. Only Muzet was there, still asleep.

 

She had heard Alvin leave the night before… Even though she had tried to be quiet, she had worried that her crying would wake up the others. There was a note by the door in Jude’s handwriting saying that he had just went to work, though, so she guessed it was fine. After all, the note only said that he had work that he needed to finish. She wasn’t sure when he had left, but if it was work related, then he mustn’t have heard her.

 

Leia paid extra attention to her appearance in the mirror when she undressed. Normally, she’d have been to embarrassed, but… She needed to start paying more attention to herself if she wanted anyone else to notice her. Especially someone as stubborn as Alvin.

 

_I need to fix my eye brows… And maybe I could cover these freckles with makeup…_

 

She ran a hand up her shin and winced—definitely needed to shave. After only a moment to think, she decided that she didn’t WANT to know what her underarms looked like. While she was always very careful about not _smelling_ , she often didn’t bother with anything but washing. Now was the time to focus on that.

 

After washing, shaving, plucking her eyebrows, and moisturizing, Leia continued with her personal inspection. Her face was red from all the abuse, but she was relatively pleased. She would never be a super model—she knew that—but she felt much prettier after all her work.

 

Her hair was getting really long. She turned to her side and stared at the waist-length waves. When she was younger, she’d always wished it was straight or blond. She no longer wanted a color change (and the thought of dyeing it blond made her seem like she wanted to be Milla), but… Her hair was so unruly that she rarely did anything with it but put it up in a ponytail. So, at least that day, she was going to do something different. Instead of waiting for it to dry naturally, she used a blow drier (which she had been bought when she moved in by a coworker—she had never even used it). When it was dry, she turned on another gift-contraption that was said to straighten it. After burning herself at least 50 times, she had finished and stood, still naked, in front of the mirror.

 

_It looks… good! It was a lot of work, though—and it’s not as much of a difference as I thought it’d be… But it still looks nice._

 

She then put on her underwear before hesitating. She had shorts and a T-shirt spread out on the counter—wouldn’t that defeat the purpose, though? Wasn’t she trying to change the way she looked? Did she really want to wear one of her normal outfits?

 

Huffing in frustration, she walked out of the bathroom, running right into Muzet. Blushing furiously, she tried to cover herself with her hands at the questioning look on her friend’s face.

 

“Why are you doing that with your hands?” Muzet asked, obliviously. She then laughed, realizing what the problem was. “We’re both girls!”

 

Leia almost told her off, but a thought stuck her as she looked the woman up and down. Muzet was flawless… Did she do her makeup? Was that a Great Spirit thing? Did she have any other dresses?

 

Dropping her hands to her side, she gave Muzet what looked like a glare, turning her head to the side as she thought. Finally, she asked, “will you help me?”

 

* * *

 

It was nearly three in the afternoon, and Alvin pulled his phone out for the tenth time in so many minutes. He must have typed a hundred different messages to Leia already, only to delete them before they could be sent. Shame and fear and worry occupied his mind—was she okay? He knew she was pretty upset when he left… He had heard her crying, but he hadn’t dared go back to her.

 

He sighed and tried to focus on the matter at hand: a meeting for work. Sometimes, like that day, it was incredibly boring. He was generally good at schmoozing his way into business, but every now and then, he’d meet someone like the lady he was dealing with now. The young heir of a large store brand, she was spoiled and used to getting her way. She wanted to “talk” about business, but the topic of supplies rarely even came up. A couple of years ago, this woman would have been a dream come true: big breasts, a thin waist, a beautiful face, very rich, and hanging onto his every word. She was a beautiful young woman, to be sure, but there was always a downfall to that sort of thing. Mostly the fact that she knew it.

 

At that moment, she was leaning on his arm and trying to slide her hand up his leg. He tried to be polite as he pushed her hand off of his upper leg, but he knew as soon as he did that he _definitely_ wasn’t going to get any _official_ business from her. She was only interested in a completely different kind of “business”. If he wasn’t trying to represent his company (if you could call it that), he would have dropped the nice act entirely, but he knew how gossip tended to spread—if he wasn’t careful, none of the women in town would buy from him.

 

_It’s funny how people believe lies from others more than the truth from the person_ _accused…_

 

He shook his head and looked back at the young woman, watching her reaction. Much to his surprise, she had smiled seductively. What was she thinking…?

 

“So, what’s her name?” She asked, attempting to run her hands over him again.

 

“W-who?” He chuckled uneasily, grabbing her hand and setting it on her own lap, careful not to touch any skin as he did. “About the shipment...”

 

“Hang the shipment.” She said quickly, waving her hand in the air as if to physically dismiss the thought. “Who is the girl on your mind right now? That’s why you’re turning me down, isn’t it?”

 

“There is no girl...” He snapped, his expression changing to one of both pain and discomfort. “I’m here to talk about the negotiations.”

 

“Hm… So you don’t have her yet, then.” She shrugged, ignoring his attempts of changing the subject. “She must be beautiful, then, for you to ignore other women who are _very_ interested.” The smile was back. “So, what’s holding you back? You’re body,” she grabbed a very sensitive place as she said, “is telling me yes.”

 

Alvin was out of his chair and walking (very quickly) away. The shamelessness of the women would have attracted him at one point, but the fact that everything she had guessed was entirely true—and the fact that she _knew_ he cared about someone but was still trying to get him into her bed—was not only disconcerting him…

 

_It’s_ _**pissing me off** _ _! If she knows I want someone else, then why can’t she leave me alone and talk about the fucking contract!?_

 

“Oh dear, I made him angry.” He heard her call teasingly, giggling to herself. “I didn’t realize you were so… innocent.” That stopped him in his tracks—just like she thought it would. She continued, watching him turn to watch her walk up to him, “To believe that a single person can make it worthwhile to turn away other, more attractive--”

 

“You are not more attractive.” Alvin interrupted, immediately regretting it.

 

_Shit. I took the bait._

 

_“_ So there IS a girl, then.”

 

“Yes, there is a girl, so I’d really like it if you’d stop this.” He ground out, trying to ignore the blush creeping across his face. Trying to deny it after what he had just admitted it would be pointless—and it’d probably get him in more trouble.

 

“I’d like to see her—this beauty that could tame the infamous Alvin Svent.” She laughed again when she noticed his surprise. “Oh, come now, Alvin. Surely you must know—your reputation precedes you. It’s why I requested to have this meeting with you in the first place.”

 

“So you set up a meeting for the sole purpose of getting me in bed?” He honestly didn’t know how to respond to that information.

 

_I mean, sure, I’ve done that before, but… I’ve never had it done to ME._

 

_“_ Why shouldn’t I? Young, single, attractive, and, from what I have heard, very good in bed. I’m bored and in-between boyfriends. Why shouldn’t we have a little fun? Especially since you aren’t actually WITH a girl right now? Am I wrong?”

 

“Did I ever have a chance at making this deal?” Shaking his head, he ignored her question. “Or was this just set up to make me do what you wanted before you dropped all negotiations?”

 

“No, we aren’t going to make a deal with you.” She shrugged, reaching out to touch his face. “But you could still get something out of this, you know.”

 

“Not interested.” This time, he didn’t try to be gentle when he swatted her hand away. This time, he saw the shock and anger on her face, and, while it felt nice, he also knew that she’d be a problem in the future… When he walked out of the little bar, he no longer hid the grimace from her actions.

 

_Is that how I used to come off to people? I really hope not… What a spoiled bitch. I feel like I need a shower._

 

He was so caught in his thoughts that he almost missed Leia walking towards him. It didn’t help that her appearance was so different. His breath caught in his throat as he watched her.

 

She was wearing a skin-tight black dress that hugged her hips and split up the side. With high heels, she was almost as tall as he was. Any blemish she had seemed to have disappeared and her hair hung low on her back. She looked stunning…

 

_But…_

 

“Alvin… You shaved.” She spoke first, sounding as surprised as he felt. He waited for her reaction, hoping that she would show the appropriate fear of seeing him look just like he did when… when the incident had occurred.

 

“And you… did a lot, it looks like.” He laughed softly, closing the gap between them. “I… I’m sorry about last night.” Embarrassingly, his voice shook as he started.

 

“Do you like my new look?” She asked, cutting off his train of thought. Whatever he wanted to say, she was almost certain that she didn’t want to hear it.

 

“You… you look beautiful, but...” He gently pushed a strand of hair behind her ear before continuing. “What _is_ all this?”

 

“It’s makeup.” She smiled and looked down, her face turning slightly red. Muzet had warned her to be demure and meek if she wanted to attract someone—luckily it wasn’t so hard when she wasn’t sure what he thought of her appearance. It was surprisingly easy to shut her dumb mouth when she was literally shaking in her shoes.

 

“Don’t you think it’s a little far?” He murmured, touching her cheek with his palm and lifting her face back up to him. “I can hardly recognize you under all that.”

 

“I-I thought… it would look better.”

 

“Leia…” Grabbing her hand, he pulled her into an alleyway to talk in private. When he saw that no one else was around, he let her go. When he stood in silence for a moment, she risked a peek only to find him smirking mischievously.

 

“What?” She demanded, putting her hands on her hips. Without any warning, he poked her in the boob, causing her to jump.

 

“Those are definitely overboard.” He told her, unable to cover the laughter in his voice. Slowly, while keeping eye contact, he placed his hand in the top of her shirt and pulled out the piece of plastic in each side. He was incredibly careful not to touch her breast (that would definitely send the wrong message). When he had them both, he held them out in front of her, still not breaking eye contact. “There is nothing wrong with your breasts.”

 

If Leia could die of humiliation, she would have. She was also trying not to laugh at the _gall_ of this ridiculous, stubborn man. “Those are what make the dress fit right!” She cried out, trying to adjust the dress so as not to be inappropriate. He tried not to watch her as she did so… He really _did_ _ **try**_ _._

 

“And what is up with your shoes? How have you not fallen?!” Redirecting his eyes, he glanced down and beckoned at her feet. The heels in question must have been 6 inches tall, at least.

 

“I… I did.” She admitted, covering her face with her hands.

 

Snorting in laughter, Alvin hugged her, his forehead resting ever so lightly on her shoulder as he tried to catch his breath. When he finally stood up straight, it was Leia’s turn to crack up. He had a line across his forehead where his skin had touched hers—her makeup had transferred onto him.

 

“What?” He asked, confused.

 

“You have makeup on you!” She gasped, leaning forward and placing a hand on his chest to keep herself from falling over.

 

“R-really?” He tried to wipe it off, but it only smeared, making her nearly pass out in her amusement. She grabbed something from her pocket and passed it over to him: his own handkerchief.

 

“This is what I mean!” He grinned as he finally got the substance off of his face. “You don’t know how to do this stuff. Besides, I can’t even see your freckles. You even covered the ones on your arms!” He touched her fingers with his before closing his hand around hers and lifting her arm. “The ones on your neck too—this is too much.” He took the same handkerchief he had just used and gave her a look that was clearly asking for permission. When she nodded, he spent several minutes trying to wipe the makeup back off of her—even pulling out a second and third handkerchief to do so. When he was finally pleased that she looked like herself again, he stopped.

 

“I must be a real mess now...” She whispered, unsure if she should cry or laugh. “Did I really… W-was I ugly…?”

 

“No, Leia… No.” He pressed his forehead onto hers and closed his eyes, hugging her and relishing the feel of her against him. “I just can’t imagine why it would be necessary. You are beautiful—YOU, not all this. If you’re in shoes like that, how can you run and fight and play like you always do? If you’re face is covered, how can I recognize you? Everything about you—how you normally are—I l-…” He stopped, clearing his throat even as he completed the sentence internally.

 

_I love all of it._

 

“I think you misunderstood me last night...” He continued. “You have done nothing wrong, and you can’t fix the problem that I have… It’s mine and mine alone. You are… perfect.”

 

“That’s impossible.” She replied, frustrated to the point that her eyes were filling with tears.

 

“Maybe so… But I don’t want you to change a thing, so… If this was done for me, please don’t. I want you to be you. I want you to fight with me—I want you to be able to do that. I want you to be free-spirited like you always are. I want you to be exactly what you are.”

 

“Because that’s easier to resist…?”

 

“Great Spirits, no… You have no idea...” He stepped away to see her face, his expression a mixture of that dark ‘something’ from the night before and… pain. “Leia, don’t ever underestimate your own beauty. I… struggle… With drawing a line between us, but it’s necessary. It really is.”

 

“Where _is_ that line, exactly?” She challenged, closing the gap between them again. Slowly, she brought her lips to his, listening to his breath quicken as she drew closer. No one was more surprised than her at her own forwardness, but… She didn’t regret it when his fingers tangled in her hair and he pressed her body against his.

 

When their kisses finally ended, it was still too soon. Neither knew how long they had been at it, but… They didn’t care either.

 

“Leia...” Alvin’s voice cracked and he cleared his throat. “Look, if you… insist on continuing this way… There have to be some rules.” He groaned as she kissed him again, but then distanced himself again, just far enough away to speak. “I’m serious...”

 

“Okay...” She breathed against his lips.

 

“No sex. Don’t try to make me do that… Not right now.” He said softly, knowing that he was going to be torturing himself by agreeing to anything at all without sex.

 

“Why?”

 

“For now, let’s just forget the why. It’s just a rule, okay?” Explaining would only make her argue, he knew, so he decided to skip that part of the conversation. “Okay?”

 

“Okay.” She touched her lips to his again before he could continue. That effectively ended the conversation… for now.

 

* * *

 

Miss Camilla Dranen watched the scene before her silently, torn between being furious and being amused. She was a woman who was used to getting anything that she wanted, and the fact that Alvin Svent had turned her down just made her want him more. He hadn’t told her who the woman that had his attention was, but it was a simple task to see the expression change on his face when whoever-that-woman-was walked in front of him. Now, watching him in her arms, she knew that she was the one of whom he was speaking.

 

Although she didn’t know who the woman was, it was an easy thing for her to discover. She’d seen her face, after all—and Alvin had even been nice enough to take the makeup off of her for a better look. She didn’t like competition, and she was determined to put an end to this foolish girl swiftly.

 

The funny thing was, if Alvin hadn’t turned her down, she wouldn’t have even cared. His refusing her was an insult, though, which was not something that she took kindly to. She almost laughed out loud when she thought of what his reaction would be when the woman dumped him without telling him what exactly had happened—because that, of course, would be part of the deal. This wasn’t Camilla’s first rodeo, and she knew exactly how to go about it.

 

Before she made the girl give up on Alvin, though, she was going to make sure that she suffered. She wanted Alvin to see what would happen when he crossed a woman as powerful as her—she wouldn’t even have to touch _him._ No one was safe from her, a fact that she was quite proud of. He had ignored her, and for that, his little lady friend would pay the price.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SOOO sorry that it's taken so long to get this up!! It's been a helluva few months, though. Between parents having surgery, my son growing, and trying to take care of a bunch of stuff myself... Well, anyway--here it is! I love you all and I hope you're not mad at how late it is...
> 
> Also, the end of this chapter is super fun and should make the rest of the story interesting as well!

It had been a whirlwind of a weekend, and Leia had been thrilled to spend time with her _boyfriend_. She couldn’t believe she could actually call him that! It was exhilarating! To say she was disappointed to return to work on Monday was an incredible understatement, but… Well, she still had to pay rent (because apparently saving the world didn’t exempt one from having bills… Unfair.)

 

“Hey, Milly. Hey, Dennis.” She grinned to two of her coworkers as she walked in, not noticing their amazed expressions. Humming happily, she walked back to her desk… only to stop short when she noticed that all of her things were gone. Confused, she opened the drawers… Empty.

 

A throat cleared behind her, so she turned around to see her boss standing behind her. He looked almost… upset? Well, that didn’t seem right…

 

“Boss? Where’s my stuff?” She asked, keeping her voice lighthearted as she tried to figure out what was going on. “This isn’t normally your style of joke, is it?”

 

“Leia… I’m afraid you no longer have a position here.” He didn’t even attempt to lessen the blow as he brought her world crashing down. “You’ve been fired.”

 

“What are you talking about?” She fell into the chair behind her— _her chair._ At least… it had been. “Is this because I missed work for a few days? I brought the note from the hospital to explain it!”

 

“I don’t have all the answers, kid. This comes from the higher ups, not me.”

 

 _Pity._ It took her a moment to recognize it, but it was definitely there. She looked at her coworkers for some sort of explanation, but suddenly none of them wanted to meet her eyes. They must have thought that she already knew or something. Or maybe they had just hoped that they wouldn’t be there when she found out.

 

“O-okay… But where’s my stuff?” In response to her question, her boss—former boss—gingerly held out a beat-up backpack with holes covering it. She recognized it as hers, but it certainly hadn’t been in that shape only a few days before. “W-what happened to it?”

 

“We’re not sure. It was sitting on my desk this morning.” Her boss answered honestly, scratching the back of his head. “I asked what to do about it, but _my_ boss said that there’s nothing to be done. I’m… sorry, kid.”

 

Leia took her bag numbly and opened it, checking to see if its contents were unharmed… They weren’t. Her notebooks were tore apart—each sheet had literally been torn out and put in the shredder spyrix so that the bag was full of little pieces of paper. Her pencils and pens were individually snapped in two, even going so far as to cut the ink well, which then, of course, spilled ink all over. It soaked through the bag and stained her hand black from where she had been holding the bottom. The little frog that she had bought for Alvin but hadn’t had the chance to give… was completely dyed. In fact, it looked like the person may have dumped as much as they could ON the toy.

 

Panicked, Leia pulled the toy out and tried to open the secret pocket to find one of her favorite items—a leaf that Alvin had gifted her after they had… finished things with Chronos and a picture of the group of them right before they went. When she turned the pocket inside out… Ash fell out. The leaf had been burnt and then put back. And the picture was burnt enough to discolor it, except for a single part that had been cut off of the picture where she and Alvin had been hugging to the side. She dug around a little more and found more of the picture—HER part… cut to little pieces. Alvin’s face was completely missing.

 

“Leia, I’m sorry, but… I have orders not to let you stick around. I don’t know what’s going on, but… Look, if you need help, I’ll do what I can.” Her former boss said quietly, pulling her out of her thoughts.

 

She managed a small smile, trying to ignore the horrible feelings swirling around in her. She now knew that something was definitely going on—and it was definitely personal—but she had no clues as to who would do such a thing. She didn’t have any enemies… And certainly no one with the power to fire her or destroy her things with no consequences… So who…?

 

_But maybe it’s two different instances. Maybe they aren’t connected…_

 

“Thank you, Boss. If I really need help, I’ll let you know.” She shook the brooding aura around her away before grinning. “It’ll be okay, though. I’ll just turn in applications again, I guess… It’s not the end of the world, right?” She tried to not let the desperation and fear betray her, but she was never very good at keeping emotion out of her voice. Still, she pretended it was okay because, if someone had the power to do this to her, she _definitely_ didn’t want to drag others into it.

 

So… She left with what little dignity she had left, thinking the worst of the day was over. She stopped at a shop to grab a quick coffee before heading back home to figure out what to do. She almost called Alvin several times to ask for his advice, but… She didn’t want to seem like a little girl. It was bad enough with the whole panic attack thing; she didn’t want to have to rely on others for _everything._ Besides, if she wanted to prove to Alvin that she was an adult, shouldn’t she deal with it herself?

 

She admitted that there were other people she could ask for help, but she was afraid it would send the wrong idea to them. I mean, if she called Gaius, he’d definitely get her job back for her, but it would look particularly bad for _him_ because he’d be showing her special favor. Plus, since she wasn’t Elympion, he’d be taking a Rieze Maxian’s side IN Elympios. Now, she didn’t have a lot of knowledge of politics, but she was pretty sure that was a big no-no. Rieze Maxia and Elympios were only just starting to get along… She certainly didn’t want to mess it up.

 

Because of the same reasons, she couldn’t call Rowen. Being Gaius’s second-in-command, if he helped her it would cause the same effect as if she had asked the king…

 

She couldn’t call Elize, who was only just entering high school—what could she do? She could try to reach Ludger, but he wasn’t really taking calls at the moment because of everything that happened (and who could blame him?). She didn’t want to bother him with something so trivial as a lost job and a couple items tore up. He had a company to run.

 

She refused to ask Milla for help, and she was fairly sure that Muzet would just tell Milla what was going on, so those two were out as well.

 

She could call Jude… But he’d manage to find a way to pin it on Alvin (or imply that she couldn’t trust Alvin and that’s why she didn’t call _him_ ).

 

When she finally arrived at her apartment, she was still completely lost as to what to do. She would just have to do this the same way everyone else did—rewrite her resume and start all over again. She could have a quick lunch, grab the things that she’d need, and go from place to place in order to find a job. That’s what she had done in the first place, wasn’t it?

 

With a deep sigh, Leia walked into the apartment building… And was unpleasantly surprised a second time that day. Her items—all of them—were in the large foyer. Next to them, her landlord was pacing nervously and staring at her shoes. When she noticed that Leia had arrived, she straightened up and muttered something to herself (possibly reminding herself what to say).

 

“Miss Rolando, I’m afraid I’ve received an eviction notice for you.” She said immediately.

 

“...Received? I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works...” Leia responded, too shocked to even be angry. “Received… by whom…?”

 

“I… I can’t say. I’m so sorry, sweety. I don’t have any choice in the matter… They knew things about me… And about my children. I can’t… You need to leave.” Even though the woman had tears in her eyes and it was obvious that she wasn’t happy with what she had to do, Leia couldn’t help but hate her at that moment.

 

“By law, I have 30 days to leave!” She fumed, her hands clenching into fists. “You can’t do this!”

 

“I’m so sorry, but I have the police on their way to remove you from the premises… These people… have the power of the police on their side. You can’t fight them…” She whispered, the tears finally falling from her eyes. “What did you _do,_ Leia? How could you get caught up with them…? Please, my dear, _please_ just go quietly. I don’t want you to have a record here… You need to go back to Rieze Maxia—it’s not safe for you here anymore…”

 

“No thanks to you!” Leia knew it was an immature thing to say, but she was so overwhelmed. “How am I supposed to move all of my things so quickly? I don’t have anywhere to go…”

 

“I can’t help you… I was told to have you move them or leave them—your choice—but not to help or allow anyone else to help you.”

 

“How can this be _legal_?!” She screamed before a weight suddenly threw her to the ground. When she tried to move from under whatever-it-was, she was hit in the head hard enough for her to see stars. Her thoughts started to get fuzzy as she fell forward, not unconscious but unable to move.

 

“Officer, please! She wasn’t threatening me—she was just upset!” The sound of another hit echoed in Leia’s ears. She wanted to get up and help her landlord, but she still couldn’t move… She could only listen to the elderly woman’s sobs as she was handcuffed and then thrown over someone’s shoulder. The last thing she remembered before she blacked out was being thrown in the ditch outside the city’s gates and listening to a man’s laughter as he walked away.

 

 

“What the fuck is going _on_ with her?!” Alvin ran his hand through his hair as he ranted to the one person who was very quickly becoming his best friend: Gaius. “She hasn’t texted me or called… I haven’t heard a word from her in over a week! I went to check on her at her house and the landlady wouldn’t even open the door for me. She said that Leia didn’t want any visitors right now and had me _escorted off the property!_ ”

 

“...Are you sure she isn’t trying to send you a message? Maybe she wasn’t as interested as you thought...” Gaius glared down at his own drink, trying to sound nonchalant about the whole ordeal.

 

Regardless of his gut feeling… He didn’t think that agreeing with Alvin would help the situation. After all, Alvin, as clueless and happy-go-lucky as he seemed, could be incredibly dangerous when cornered—which he’d proven more than once before. When it came to Leia… Gaius was honestly unsure what he would do. If she simply wasn’t interested, he’d be incredibly hurt, but he’d let it go. It would be awkward between all of them for a while, and Alvin would be incredibly mopey, but… It would be fine. BUT. If something had actually happened to her…

 

His stomach clenched at the thought, feeling like a cold weight had been dropped. He didn’t even know how to respond to the odd feeling of dread and (he would never admit it) fear that was spreading through him. Rubbing his arms to try and dispel the goosebumps popping up on them, he slowly shook his head. He was overreacting—possibly more than Alvin. At least Alvin was just feeling frustration; Gaius was feeling fear. Something was wrong, he just knew it… But he prayed that he was wrong.

 

“… Are you even listening to me, dude?” Alvin’s peeved tone snapped him back to reality. “You’ve been glaring a hole through the table for the past 5 minutes. You got more important problems to worry about than little ol’ me?” He lessened the harshness of his words with a forced smile. A pathetic attempt even for _his_ standards.

 

“No, not really.” Gaius said evenly before offering a small smile. It left as quickly as it had come. “I’ll try to contact Leia too. If she doesn’t want to talk to you, perhaps she’ll at least have the nerve to tell _me._ ”

 

“What makes you think that she’d tell you?” Alvin asked, trying not to sound too offended.

 

“Because I’m not you.” He replied, standing up and setting enough money on the table to cover both of their tabs. “If she’s upset with you about something, she may want to tell someone… But it may not be you that she wants to talk to.”

 

“Ouch. You make it sound like I did something terrible to her.”

 

“With how the two of you react to each other… You could have failed to notice her new emoticon sent...” He grumbled as he walked away. At least Alvin laughed as he left…

 

When Gaius left the bar, he wasn’t even sure where to go. He hadn’t admitted it to Alvin, but he had Rowen check Leia’s GHS the day after he found out that she was avoiding Alvin (or so they thought), but it hadn’t showed up. Rowen had been regularly checking it for 4 days now… and it still hadn’t come back on. That was strange for her—she was always so attached to her phone…

 

Plus, he had looked into where she worked… And had found out that she no longer worked there. When he tried to find out _why_ , he hit a road block. No one would speak to him about it—they said it was out of their hands and they would have a lawsuit on their hands if they talked about any of it, which didn’t make sense because she was already fired… And they could have at least said something vague… But they acted like they couldn’t even speak her name… And after the second day of trying, they started to act like they didn’t know who she was anymore. It was getting stranger and stranger.

 

And every day that she was missing, his feeling of dread grew more powerful. He was starting to feel like he couldn’t breathe… He wasn’t sure exactly why—he wasn’t used to having friends—but he knew that… It wouldn’t be good if something bad had happened to her… If she had… Died.

 

There it was again. That feeling like he couldn’t breathe.

 

Gaius stopped in the middle of the road and brought his hand up to cover his eyes. He was feeling a little dizzy again… But the feeling would subside. At least, it had the last few times. He wasn’t used to any of this—he wasn’t used to caring what happened to someone else. In fact, in the past, the only person he really cared about was his sister, and he had taken special care with her. Thinking back, he should have taken the same care with Leia.

 

She was so… reckless. He couldn’t think of another way to phrase it. She didn’t think anything through and certainly didn’t care if it was dangerous to herself or anyone around her. Brave? Unquestionably. Smart? Well…

 

With a deep sigh, Gaius shook his head and continued walking, deciding to exit the city and search somewhere else. He’d been scouring the city for days and nothing had helped him yet…. He had even tried to get the police’s help, but that had turned out to be a joke… He had a feeling that they were somehow connected to the issue—or at least knew who was.

 

Gaius was so lost in his own thoughts that he hadn’t noticed the phone until he stepped on it. The crunch under his feet caused him to jump slightly before he pulled himself together and picked the offending item up… The screen had cracked so badly that he was almost impressed with himself. Generally when he destroyed a phone, it was from attempting to turn it on…

 

That was when he noticed the little green frog attached to the phone. He knew that keychain.

 

The phone was Leia’s.

 

 

 

It had been a rough week, but Leia had almost become completely numb. She had been kept from entering any Elympios city… She didn’t know who the person she’d pissed of was or how she’d managed to piss them off so badly, but… After only a couple of days, she realized that she was completely cut off from everyone. They had even shut off her phone—no refund, no apologies. She had just paid for minutes… Now, she didn’t even have airtime. It was completely off.

 

Pulling her knees to her chest, Leia cried quietly for what felt like the millionth time that day. She was so thirsty… She had killed a wild animal two nights before to eat something… She had never had to skin an animal before, and she was terrified to think that she’d have to do it again soon. Even though she was a tough woman, she had never expected to have to live completely alone in the wild…

 

The wild—what a joke. She was so close to the city limits that she could hear the factories as they ran. She could see all of it, only a few miles up the road… They just wouldn’t _help_ her. They knew she was there—after all, they had put her there…

 

Shaking the thought away, she picked up another piece of meat that she had cooked. Never before had she been so grateful to her mana lobes for the magic they provided her. She had been able to start a fire relatively easily (as long as she didn’t let the concussion stop her), and the only water she’d had for the past few days had been from magic, which could sustain her for a while… But she could never get enough to quench her thirst. Even though Milla had helped a little with the spirits on Elympios… There still wasn’t enough of them to use magic the way she needed to. And, for some reason, water seemed the hardest to call to herself at that moment. Maybe it was because of how thirsty she actually was? She could only ever seem to call forth a handful or so.

 

After a few minutes, her tears dried and she stood up, unable to sit and mope any longer. She had to find some way to contact someone. She had tried burning fires, but since the gate was shut, the best anyone could possibly see was the smoke. Earlier that morning, she had tried climbing as high as she could right next to the wall, but a guard had shot her down—literally. It had taken her a while to wrap the wound it left on her arm. When she went back to her little cave (she used to love caves… Caves meant treasure… Not now, though), she was shaking too badly to even stop the bleeding. She had been shot once before, and that was plenty enough… Thinking about it made her back start aching—just what she needed…

 

Eventually, she had calmed enough to wrap the wound, but it was a piss poor job. Still, it was something. She was lucky that it wasn’t a really bad injury or she probably would have bled out in her panic attack. Now THAT would have been a terrible way to go…

 

_Not that ANY way to go is particularly great…_

 

When Leia finally managed to crawl out of her hide-y hole and stand up, she felt her world shift. She watched as her vision went sideways one way and then the other, mentally cursing herself for attempting to leave. Although she had eaten, it hadn’t been much, and she hadn’t been able to conjure _any_ water that day…

 

It wasn’t the first time that Leia had passed out since she had been dropped off outside the gate, but she still wished she had stayed inside. The last thing she thought was to send a prayer to any spirit that would listen…

 

_Please don’t let any wild animals eat me…_

 

 

 

Gaius honestly could not think of a single time before that he had been so _scared_. It wasn’t an emotion that he was used to… So he quickly deflected it to something else—anger. He was angry that Leia was gone, without her phone. He was furious that _no one would tell him what the fuck was going on!!_ And he was absolutely livid that Alvin wasn’t there looking for her instead of him.

 

Wasn’t it Alvin’s job to get worried and scared for her? Why did _he_ have to feel this when one of his best friends was the one in love with the girl—he was the one who should be frantically searching every inch of the place, not— _oh shit!_

 

Gaius couldn’t see exactly who it was, but he recognized the outfit and the hair of a young woman lying face-down on the ground. His heart leapt to his throat as he raced to her as fast as he could possibly go, hoping beyond hope that she wasn’t… The thought of the word death made him falter, stumbling forward as he fought nausea threatening to overwhelm him. No, she was definitely okay. She _had_ to be okay.

 

When he finally reached her, he had to fight to breathe. Not because he was out of shape, but because his own panic was paralyzing his lungs—at least, it felt that way. Watching her closely, he finally pulled in a lungful of air when he saw her move.

 

_She’s okay._

 

When he reached out to her, he noticed how badly his own hand was shaking. This wasn’t like him—he needed to get his emotions under control. He wasn’t used to caring if someone lived or died—they were either a threat or they were beneath him. It had been years since he’d honestly cared about anyone other than his sister, and he wasn’t sure how to act.

 

_Time to pull myself together._

 

Making sure that his gloves were on securely, Gaius pulled out his phone and shot a text to Rowen. He would have texted Alvin, but he knew he’d be too distracted to text anyone else. At least Rowen would let _everyone_ know that she’d been found… And send medical help. Unfortunately, any sort of healing was not Gaius’s forte.

 

Trying to make sure to be gentle, he touched her back to try to turn her over. Much to his relief, she began to stir as soon as he did. It worried him how slowly she was moving, though… If he had been a monster, she’d be dead already. How long had she actually been out here? Was she going to be okay? She was obviously alive, but what if she was really sick? What if she just ended up dying?

 

Again, Gaius was finding it surprisingly hard to breathe. Pushing away his thoughts, he sat next to her and closed his eyes, breathing deeply to counteract his panic. He _would_ be calm by the time everyone else showed up. He honestly couldn’t understand why he wasn’t calm right then. He had seen companions die in the past—some much too young. He hadn’t reacted that way with them.

 

“Your Highness!” Gaius wasn’t sure how long he had sat in meditation before Rowen’s familiar voice called him out of his reverie.

 

“She’s alive.” He responded, opening his eyes to stare at the old man in front of him. He glanced down at an already-awake Leia staring up at him, tears in her eyes and an expression of wonder upon her face. She was too thin… “I want to know what happened.”

 

“I...” She started but her voice came out as a whisper. Clutching her own throat, she tried to ignore the pain and talked again. “Was-kicked-out.” As quickly as she could, she spit the rest of the sentence out.

 

“Now is not the time for this, Your Highness. She needs rest, water, and food.” Rowen said simply, eyeing his friend and boss strangely. “We need to take you to Reize Maxia, Leia. The others will meet us there. I have a feeling that someone with a lot of power did this to you, and I don’t think it’d be wise to stick around here until we know who it was.” Waiting to see her nod, Rowen stayed silent for a moment. When she agreed, he then turned to Gaius. “Why didn’t you help her up?” He asked quietly.

 

“I… I wasn’t sure if I should move her.” Gaius replied honestly, trying to ignore the blush creeping across his face. “I didn’t know how injured she was, and I… didn’t think I would be any help to her if I tried to help her.”

 

A look of surprise flitted across Rowen’s face before it vanished and was replaced with a smile. “Either way, Your Highness, you found her—thank the spirits. We’ll have her properly looked after soon. For now, I’ll check her over before we depart.”

 

“Yes, that is wise.” The younger man said quietly, feeling uncomfortable with the whole situation. “...Where is Alvin?”

 

“He’ll be along shortly.” His eyes didn’t leave Leia as he answered.

 

“A-Alvin...” Leia whispered, lifting her arm when Rowen asked her to. She just sat, numbly, whispering his name to herself. She had been so scared… And she had wanted to go to him for help, but…

 

_Haven’t you bothered him enough?_

 

“I’m leaving.” Gaius stood abruptly, picking up his sword and turning back towards the city gates. “...If I find Alvin first, I’ll make sure he meets you here. Keep me informed.”

 

“O-oh. I thought you… Yes… Yes, Your Highness. I’ll make sure you know when we leave and where we’ll go first.” Rowen was startled, but he didn’t get a chance to say much more as Gaius was already walking away. His eyes darted to the young man for just a moment for turning back to his patient. No one noticed his quiet chuckle of understanding or the ornery grin that stayed on his face after. Young people never ceased to amaze him.

 

 

 

Gaius never found Alvin. He found out later that his friend had showed up only a couple of minutes after he left. Although he wouldn’t admit it, he was secretly relieved. The last thing he wanted to see was a romantic reunion, which he was sure was what happened. Tears, hugs, kisses. Gaius would much rather avoid that.

 

They had moved her quickly and quietly through Marksburg and got on a boat, only stopping to breath after the ship had sailed away. Gaius met up with them in the boat, but he didn’t stay to chat. Instead, he decided that he’d had enough for the day, turning in early. He hoped no one grew worried about him, but… He wasn’t entirely sure what the problem was, and he really didn’t want to be questioned about anything right then. After all, he’d done his part. Alvin had vented to him about his worry, so he had went out and found Leia. That was that, end of story.

 

That was what Gaius continued to tell himself as he fell asleep. And he would have believed it… Maybe… If he hadn’t woken up from a dream about two green eyes, filled with tears, pleading with him… He couldn’t hear the words, but he could feel the panic filling him. As the eyes filled with tears, so too did his lungs until he was coughing and sputtering and choking… All while reaching out, running to the frail little girl who so desperately needed his help. If he could reach her, everything would be all right. If he could reach her then…

 

But he never reached her. Instead, he woke up by falling out of the bed with his outstretched arm being the only thing to keep him from slamming headfirst into the floor. He was covered in sweat and breathing hard, his long hair sticking to his neck and face. Wiping his face, he scowled at the darkness around him before grabbing his sword and storming out of the room, determined to do something to get rid of the anxious energy inside of him. He had found her, she was alive, and that was all. It didn’t matter if his brain was trying to tell him more, because he wasn’t going to listen. He would see her safely moved to Leronde, and then he was leaving… Before anyone could ask him anything more.

 


End file.
